ohhh...Joyce Meyer. what the?

So I've always said I'm not a huge fan of Joyce Meyer, but she's kinda been killin it at my life group. Here are my notes from tonight's group meet. Eat it up!

Lifegroup: Take II

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 MSG)

Where does hope lie? If its in you, the world, your things...it's shaky and misplaced. By putting hope in your job, or position, or money...you WILL be let down. An unrealistic expectation.

[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! (Psalm 27:13 AMP)

If you have formed a habit of being negative, you have to form a habit of positive.

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:14 AMP)

"Somebody else is not responsible for your joy."

Let Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, be upon us, in proportion to our waiting and hoping for You. (Psalm 33:22 AMP)

Return to the stronghold [of security and prosperity], you prisoners of hope; even today do I declare that I will restore double your former prosperity to you. (Zechariah 9:12 AMP)

But Jesus [for His part] did not trust Himself to them, because He knew all [men]; And He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man [needed no evidence from anyone about men], for He Himself knew what was in human nature. [He could read men’s hearts.] [I Sam. 16:7.] (John 2:24, 25 AMP)

I expect that I will get disappointed in my life, but I can choose to NOT become devastated. Because when you get devastated, you stop moving forward.

When you get disappointed:

get reappointed! By decision, "I'm not gonna let this get the best of me." I can't decide what I'm going to feel but I can decide what I think and say. And pretty soon, your feelings will catch up with what you think and say.

LET IT RAIN

Romans 8:18-28

"That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times.The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next.Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it inuntil both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs.These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance.That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

I had two church dates with Jamie today. I love this incredible iron sharpening iron friendship we have. So God breathed. One of the focuses of our discussion revolved around a level of expectancy and anticipation that the Jesus-birthed dreams in our hearts WILL happen. That our steps of obedience will be ones that carve new Faith-filled paths of righteousness. That those who are witnesses to this will be strengthened and encouraged in their own walk with Jesus.

So many decisions lie ahead of me. I'm beginning to realize that the older I become, the more decisions there are to make. And so many choices before those decisions are made. I've been choosing to focus on the choices instead of simply focusing on the One whose heart I'm aiming to please. If my sole desire was meant to LOVE Jesus and my Father with ALL of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, I'm failing miserably.

There are a few (okay, maybe a lot of) things that I have to improve on. I will choose to improve on them, because I have chosen to walk this journey of claiming uncharted territory for the advancement of the Gospel. And in order to advance Him, I have to be faithful and obedient in EVERY area of my life. He'll still love me if I don't, but I will live beneath His full intention for my life if I choose mediocrity. However, I will be rich in Him if I choose to obey and love with all that I am. and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

I have a feeling that He is about to shake some stuff up in the upcoming days, weeks, and months.

All I have to say about that is...let. it. rain.

if you're a nurse... "chest compressions"

have you ever seen someone die? If you have, chances are it was someone you are related to. but, in my everyday job, I see it quite often. and I'm not related to any of them. In fact, there have been times that I have held the hands and softly whispered into the ears that "it's okay. it's okay to go", then watched their chest stop rising. because there was no one there with them but me, their nurse.

I second verified an "expiration" on our unit recently. as I entered the room, the family was just leaving. calling a death, even if it is one that has approached expectedly and calmly, is always a somber moment. My friend who was this patients nurse said, "4:10 pm?" I verified after listening for a heart beat, "Yes, 4:10 pm". I helped out with some paperwork, and then I left the room to tend to my other patients. The other patients who had no idea someone just passed over the threshold of life/death. That someone just entered into an eternity of time...somewhere. and you look into their face and think, "I hope you lived deep and loved hard."

shortly thereafter, another patient was fighting for their life. well, with the assistance of a team of nurses, respiratory therapists, and doctors. chest compressions, bagging with oxygen, epinephrine, chest compressions, atropine, fluids, chest compressions, more fluids, intubation...it's dizzy to think about it when I'm not there doing it. You fight hard for their life, and you silently beg, "not today, not on my watch will your heart stop beating." Occasionally a holler, "Is there a beat? Are they in rhythm?" A strong applause of celebration when there is, and a sense of silent defeat and sadness when there isn't. and then someone calls it. "time of death..."

and if death claims victory, you look into their face, you say, "i'm so sorry. you fought so hard." and you clean up and you move on.

you finish your day, you clock out, and you drive home. maybe you stop off at the grocery store or you remember you're out of toilet paper. you eat some oatmeal for dinner, because it's fast and easy. and you set your alarm to get up and do it all over again the next day.

but you don't dwell on it. you can't think about it. that cold, harsh, death stare into nothing. that chilling emptiness.

you're a nurse. and there are those who are living. life, hearts that are beating, chests that are rising, fingers that are feeling, and stomachs that are growling. dressings that need changing, IV's that need replacing, pumps that are beeping, and monitors that are screaming.

and you dwell on them and the life in them.

we're gonna laugh so hard...

I am no spiritual giant. I don't pray over my dinner all the time. I don't spend hours a day picking apart greek and hebrew words to gain a deeper understanding of the Word of God. and while I'm confessing; I don't even tithe super faithfully. Fasting isn't a priority. I guess I could say I have room to improve...obviously.

But one thing I am sure of that is within me is this:

I love Jesus. and I will do nothing less but passionately pursue you until you also fall head over heels in love with this God-became-man even more than I am. I'm going to love you. If that means you need a cool washcloth, you got it. A blanket, I'm there. Kleenex's, puke buckets, a hairbrush, fingernail clippers, a piece of gum...it's on me.

For my kids (birthed from me or not), I'm gonna keep you safe if it means I lose my life. We're gonna laugh so hard our smiles hurt and our tummys ache. Our made up songs will fill the empty skies. Colored pages will plaster our walls. There's going to be a lot of us, and it's going to be amazing. and I'm gonna teach you about this Jesus-once-man. I'm gonna show you how He loves. and we're gonna love together, each other, and our neighbors like He loves us. We're going to fall in love with the things of Him.

and you're gonna grow up and be mothers and fathers of your nations. children of the King. men of valor and women of courage. and I'm going to bow in reverence to the One who made it possible.

we're gonna laugh so hard. i wait with overflowing anticipation. i groan in eagerness. i seek Him.

we're gonna laugh so hard.

I chose and I choose...

change in church.

new lifegroup.

adding friends.

renewing mind.

My goal: to relentlessly choose to trust that God is for me and is with me in the face of any disappointment or trial.

Prayer: I CHOSE You, Jesus. I CHOOSE You, every single day. Every single hour. Every single moment. When negativity threatens to surface, I will choose optimism. I will NOT sit in fear. I choose to WALK [run and fly, too], even when You've blindfolded me. Fear will no longer be a "holding back" factor; it will be a causative for PUSHING forward. My words will be chosen cautiously, "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit-you choose." (Proverbs 18:21 MSG) Use me, dear Jesus, as a conduit for Your kingdom to come on this earth; to Springfield, MO, Mercy hospital, and Destiny Church and wherever else my feet may step. May my life be an example to the testament of Your faithfulness to all those that witness it. May I always first choose LOVE. Lord, as cautious as I want to say it, I boldly exclaim, grow me, expand me, stretch me, gift me! Give me wisdom in supernatural doses to make decisions quickly and efficiently. Guard my heart, Father. Keep me soft. Show me through Your eyes Your high ways. Teach me how to value Your gifts; those given in the physical and by the Spirit. Continue to train me. I know that You'll always stand beside me in all the risks I take on Your behalf. Let YOUR glory rise.

Light, space, zest-that's God! So, with him on my side I'm fearless, afraid of no one and nothing. (Psalm 27:1 MSG)

To quote my favorite movie of all time (Home Alone): "Did you hear that? I'm not afraid anymore! I SAID, I'm not afraid anymore!!" and I'm not.

It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 MSG)

I am eager. I am anticipating. I am expecting. I am pregnant and awaiting the baby. I am stuffed with hope. I am a dam cracking under pressure; He is the rushing, forceful, pushing river. I am a worm saved by grace through faith in the One who paid a high price for me. I am nothing; He is everything.

i .d.a.r.e. you to pray this with me:

i will pray. i will fast. i will read Your Word. i will dance with You. i will trust in Your ways. i will cling to You. .:because. i. chose. You:. i chose this. my faith was my choice. my faith is in You. therefore, i will obey Your commands. i am dedicated to Your truth. i believe in Your mission. i am all in, by my choice and Your grace.

......yesssss!

To tell the story...

It's late, but when God says, "Write", I can't resist. He is screaming at me to "TELL THE STORY." I think it's because someone needs to read it. I hope you find it encouraging and gain some insight to how much of an important role you have in your own Jesus-seeking life.

December 23rd, in an inconvenient way, I found out that my 17 year old baby sister was practically engaged. Something on the inside of me did a bit of a flip-out. You can ask the people who know me best; I kind of lost it for a bit. To tell you the truth, I may still be seeking to gain it back.

On that day, as I drove 100 miles to get home for Christmas, I blurted it out before I even realized it, "God, are You even real? Are You even good? First my middle sister, NOW my baby sister. I haven't even KISSED a guy. You're joking me." Thus began a spiral. I don't think it spiraled down, or up, but just transverse. The path that looked so straight before began to feel too curvy, and I got sick. Very sick.

I pulled myself together, but masked a look. The look fooled others (or so I was hoping), and I think it even fooled me for a little while. "I'm okay. God is good. Sometimes dreams just don't work out." That's what my mouth said. Some received it, and believed it with me. Others blatantly denied it. And they made me angry. From my perspective, they had it together. God was on their side. He is helping THEM achieve their dreams. I'm WATCHING them unfold. Haiti? Africa? Missions? Orphans? Ministry? I'm just going to forget about it. I'm going to let it die. This is too hard. He can pick someone else. He can make someone else wait. I'm doing my own thing now. I won't be made a fool.

I was a mess. Trying SO hard to make sense of something that cannot make sense.

I thought, "God cannot be good. And if God isn't good, He isn't for me. And if He isn't for me, then all of what I have ever thought I believed is FAKE. It cannot be REAL. If He isn't for me, then the Bible LIES. I have to find out for sure. I have to KNOW." And no one's attempt at encouragement or speaking truth...none of it worked. None of it helped me grasp what He was trying to teach me.

As things began to get really out of control, my emotions, thought processes, my attitude, and even my actions, I realized that for my mind's sake, and for yours, I had to make a choice. I am either ALL in or ALL out. Jesus or NO Jesus. I still had no answers to any of my questions, but I knew I had to make a conscious choice for myself. Not because others told me it was good or right or sure, but because it was MY decision. I chose Him. I choose Him.

Everyday, I have to choose Him. I must place my trust into the One who's hand I've never shook. Who's eyes I've never looked into. Who's voice I've never heard. I have to trust that those little heart promptings may be from Him, and even if they're not, TRUST that He'll help me through my decisions. But the MOST IMPORTANT thing is to always realize that every single opportunity to make a choice is absolutely, 100 percent, MY decision. I choose Him. I choose to obey Him. I choose to respond to Him. I choose to react to Him. I choose to talk to Him. I choose to listen to Him. I choose to trust that He knows best. I choose it all. What an incredibly hard way to learn that lesson. I wanted independence, and He was saying, "You have ALL control over your decisions, Kayla. I just want to be your choice."

In the middle of what I thought was Him abandoning me, I was making an active choice of forgetting about Him. He never let me go, though. Reminding me through scripture that I screamed anger at. Whispering to me through people's loving looks. Speaking to me through that "One Thousand Things" book and "Jesus Calling" and these insanely loving Facebook messages from my friend Laci. Then these blogs by my friend Jamie. I'm fairly certain Jamie was close to slapping me upside the face because of all my ignorant verbiage. Praise God for true friends. Kimberly said, "Even when you frustrate me and I'm tired, I still love you." Julie, my roommate, sitting on the couch across from me while I cry out of hurt and anger and disappointment. They were Him never letting me go.

Jamie wrote this today, "http://her-keys-typed.blogspot.com/2012/01/satisfied-in-wait.html?spref=fb" I urge you to read it, and all of what she's written as she's on an incredible life altering path. She's eating it up. Learning what she can from the One who saved her...and me. I read the following scripture in her blog and wanted to elaborate on it in my own. From what I know is true in my situation.

Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. (Daniel 10:12)

As I read this in her blog, I nodded. Yep, you HAVE to set your mind to gain understanding. A few days ago, after a really disappointing night of doing my taxes, I was back in that "God is NOT good. Nothing EVER works out for good for me." And, I made a choice the next day, "Nope, I chose Him. Regardless of how I feel right now, I CHOSE Him. And if I CHOSE Him, I have to trust that even if things aren't fixed, HE will help me pay back what I owe." Then, I prayed for wisdom and understanding and I asked Him to help me believe and trust in Him. All of this because I made a choice to take things to Him. I'll never write that I'm humble. Because I KNOW how prideful I truly am. I also know how pride breaking feels, and it hurts and within that lesson lie hard times. I'm still working on trust and belief, but I can say that I know that He's for me. 100 percent, He is for me.

I'm stronger, now. Way stronger. By His grace, His strength is continually made stronger in my weakness. I'm an overcomer by He who resides in me. I'll always know that the only power I have, (and it's strong), is my choice. I constantly have choices to make, and if they point toward Him, they are NEVER wrong. That is SO relieving.

I am delighted

I am so in awe of what God is doing inside my heart. I am learning so much. Learning about how He sees me as His child. Learning about how I see Him as my Father. Listening to Him and walking in obedience. Taking risks and surrendering myself without knowing outcomes. He is right there holding my hand and being firm when necessary. My heart is just so overwhelmed with all of it, in such a good way! All I want to do is talk about His goodness. All so He receives glory, and so it can encourage others to be bold.

I've realized lately how much it bothers my soul to see people living beneath their potential in Christ. Saved or unsaved, we're all victims of mediocrity. Floating from day to day just living in the moment. Paycheck to paycheck, making the bills and eating the food, staying healthy, and filling days off with entertainment. Attending classes when necessary, studying at the nearest starbucks or library... making sure there's enough time to grab coffee before morning class. Though there is not sin in this, it kills me to know that there's so much more to life than this but many just don't know about it. So many believers live beneath their potential in Christ. I know, because I realize how far beneath it I, myself, have been living.

I am SO thankful that the Lord loves me enough to make sure that I am aware of this. To instill this drive to draw nearer to Him, and love Him deeper, and allow Him to love me deeper. He helps me in every moment of my night and day. At work, He strengthens me, gives me a quick mind, and enables me to take the best care of my patients and learn from the best teachers. He brings me opportunities to encourage my patients with God's peace. At church, He brightens my attitude, and opens doors for new connections, and gives me courage to walk through them. I have watched things unfold the past couple of years that make my OWN chin drop. It's absolutely unbelievable and no explanation can be given other than the LORD has for some reason granted me favor. And He loves me. And I know that if He is willing to grant ME favor, He certainly will grant YOU favor, and surround you with love and encourage your heart to make it through the next hour.

That's what I love. Sometimes I literally have to take it hour by hour. In fact, I almost always take it hour by hour, because in this season, God is consistently revealing something to me, or giving me a check in my spirit, or strengthening me. Not to mention, there is ALWAYS something I can find to thank Him for.

Live up to your potential. Just be willing and open to allow the Lord to condition you into His likeness. And, give credit where credit is due. Thank and praise the Lord, and make sure others are doing it too. He is jealous, and I have a healthy fear of my God with the utmost respect.