Cutting the cord, because I CAN.

When I think about the possibilities... oh my goodness, adulthood is SO exciting! Independence is thrilling! Responsibility is s-c-a-r-y! :) But, I'm so amped that after May, 2009, I will be my own person. I will be making my own money. I will be living independently. No more feeling like I need permission to do things. I am cutting the cord and clinging to the Lord. :-) It is gonna feel soooo good! If I want to up and drive across the United States, I can SO do that. If I want to hop on a plane and fly to CA, I SO CAN. If I want to buy a car, I CAN. If I want to give my money away, I CAN. If I want to say, "No!" I CAN. , I can taste the sweetness now! And it tastes GOOD!

St. John's hospital here isn't hiring very well, which I knew was going to become a very real possibility. So, I must be open to new opportunities. At first, getting used to leaving Mountain View was a slight challenge (okay, so there really wasn't a challenge there at all). But, I enjoy Springfield. But, I want a job more. So although the idea of leaving Springfield is a little scary (okay, really scary), I bet I could manage. I'm so NOT good at meeting new people, but I would so make it.

I have no idea what the Lord has in store. One thing for sure, I will follow Him. If He wants me to stay here, I trust He will provide me a job. But if He wants me to leave, I will go boldly, confidently, powerfully in the Spirit, and faithfully!
(And, a cool thing: I will make this decision with God's help. I will not make what others feel is the best decision. <- This is awesome.)

God, You are SO cool!
-Kayla

I don't want anything for Christmas...

God is SO good. I am so grateful to be allowed in His presence. His presence definitely wasn't always this accessible. How blessed we are!

I am so thankful for those that the Lord has placed me around to teach, lead, and guide me. I am thankful for learning different parenting skills, marriage skills, leadership skills, servanthood skills, how to LOVE the Lord no matter what you go through. How to praise Him in the storm. I am SO blessed!

I'm still waiting. Several times I've been tempted to change the name of my blog from, "Kayla's Journey to Haiti" to something less specific. Not a whole lot has changed from simply being called to aid the country and now I feel it could be years before even getting to set foot on the territory. Nevertheless, I am headed there and I will get there sometime. In this season of waiting, I will rest and be refreshed by the Lord. I will learn during this time. I will gain experience in the field of medicine, and I will reach local people. I LOVE people.

I LOVE people a lot. There's one thing that angers me a lot; When people hurt other people purposefully. I genuinely have a heart for those that are hurting. God has blessed me with a strong desire to see people live in the knowledge that they are loved, that they have a blessed future in the Lord, and that they are a child of the KING. That they have potential and that they can be healed. I never want to lose this feeling of wanting so badly to just help the needy. After all, there have definitely been times when I remember my family qualifying in the 'needy' category. So many people rose up and helped us. I remember distinctly one time coming home after church and our kitchen table was full of groceries, and the refrigerator and freezer was full. I remember as a young kid how much I was blessed with food I liked. And, I can't tell you how many times a close friend or family member has filled up my gas tank while I've been struggling in college. There's nothing wrong in needing some help from time to time for extended periods of time. It's just important that when you are back on your feet, you give back like you were blessed/more than you were blessed.

I've decided I pretty much don't want anything for Christmas. If anyone was actually going to spend money on me, I would want to save it and put it back to either A)give it to someone who needs it or B) put it in a missions account to save to go do work to help, still. I can't wait until I have the finances to bless other people with. To be able to do that would bless my heart so much! Yay, I get so excited just thinking about the possibilities! :-D

I MUST get rest. My eyes are BURNING. :)
Night!
xoxo

Resting

This past week I have been making it priority to find rest in the Lord. I love to worship the Lord. It is a passion of mine that I have had since I was 12 years old. It was at that age (8 years ago), I knew the Lord was training me to be a worshiper. We are all to worship, and give Him praise for what He is doing in our lives. I find comfort in knowing that even when I don't see all the answers in front of me, God is in control. I love knowing that this little world we live in is nothing compared to all that goes on in the Heavenly realm. I love this verse, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph. 6:12). I love it because it signifies something so much greater than ourselves. So much greater than our everyday work lives, our school life, our church life. It shows me that we live in a sort of matrix world. Where adventure and excitement occurs. Where warriors of God and princesses of the King live. Where the Lord is watching over us all the time, and although tough situations can throw us for a loop, the TRUTH is that He never leaves our side. The TRUTH is that He loves us!

I've switched up a portion of my worship routine at church even. I remember how it felt to lead worship and see some sitting down reading a book, or staring at the church bulletin (yes, we're not oblivious) and I remember feeling as if I had failed at leading the people of God into the heart of worship. I wrapped my mind around routine; Stand up, raise your hands, love the Lord your God. But it became just that, routine. Even as I stand in the crowd. Don't get me wrong, when I stand and raise my hands and sing with all of my might, I most definitely am praising the most high King with ALL my energy, but sometimes I think God invites us into His presence to sit and become refreshed and renewed so that we can impart peace and comfort to others. Agree? Last Wednesday night, during the last worship song, I sat down in my chair, leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and sang to the Lord from my heart of hearts. And what a beautiful picture the Spirit painted in my heart of the Lord. He is so worthy to be praised, Amen? I'm sure I looked odd to those around me.

During my continued time of rest, God has been restoring my heart. Building me to be a Warrior Princess, strong and elegant. Able to fight and able to heal by His power. Filling me with hope for the future. Filling me with a desire to restore broken hearts. Preparing me to heal using prayer and medicine. Pouring out a favor so sweet I can taste it on my lips. Training me, using me, loving me. And all the glory goes to Him.

I will overcome this world because I have the Overcomer living in my heart. I will defeat the darkness because I have the Light to shine radiantly from my face. I will defeat my enemy because I have donned the full armor of God. I will live because He came so that I may have life more abundant. I will fight for what He wants until the end of my day. I will rise up. I will.

¹⁰Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

¹⁹Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,
²⁰for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

(Ephesians 6)