God is Moving

When you pray, God moves.

I've been praying this whole week for a job. But through those prayers and Bible time in God's presence, He has been moving in my WHOLE life. Probably some of you are thinking, well duh!, but I wasn't expecting any of it.

I updated my twitter today telling people that I was thinking about the deep stuff. Like those times where you try really hard to wrap your head around God's love... or maybe you think about the giant issue of poverty. Maybe some of you can't get it through your head just how next week will look like. Today, I thought about such things.

I thought about Haiti. And the quote that I am still trying to understand, "You are not being prepared for Haiti as much as Haiti is being prepared for you." What does that even mean? Though when I reflect on my time spent in El Salvador, I remember feeling the entire time, "I am supposed to be pouring into YOU. But, you are touching and changing ME." Maybe that is what the Spirit is trying to tell me. That Haiti is going to give me way more than I will ever be able to give it. Either way, God is working up something.

I also thought about the long wait I have before making it to Haiti. It's hard to explain to someone that even though I've never been to Haiti, I feel like it's my home; where I belong. That her people are my people. That they are my family. I catch myself purposefully placing Haiti out of my mind. Because it physically hurts my heart when I think about not being there.

Then there are times like yesterday when I was driving by the park, seeing dad's playing frisbee with their kids, and ladies walking and chatting with their girlfriends, and family's eating a BBQ that I want that life. There are the days when I think about that 2 story house with a garage and fenced in back yard with a swing-set for my kids... and I crave that. Knowing full well that God designed me to live a different life. Knowing that my only satisfaction will come from being all that God created me to be and live the life He has planned for me in Haiti. This I know and cannot debate. Though the thoughts do still creep up.

Tonight I had the privilege of FINALLY meeting James and Rachael Courter. The connection with them was so random, but so GOD! We 'met' via facebook over a year ago, and tonight at James River Assembly in Springfield, MO, I saw their faces and heard their voices! I think it was God's little way of saying, "Hey Kayla, I haven't forgotten about what I called you to." It sounds funny to type it up like that, but sometimes I feel like I will NEVER get to Haiti. From the moment I read the Courter family mission and vision for the country, I KNEW God had a divine plan in store for my life to connect with theirs. I could say so much more, but just want to pray.

God, I am absolutely BLOWN away by some of the things You do. Actually, just about everything You do leaves me standing in awe. I am so thankful, Lord, for Your grace and mercy over my life. As Pastor John commented, "I know me, and for You to choose me to do Your work-that is amazing!" I totally concur with this statement. When I think about the plan You have showed me for my life, and that I only know such a short part of it, I am almost in disbelief. You love me, Lord. You love Haiti. And, You have given me a piece of Your love for Haiti so that I can do the work You want to accomplish there. Thank You for going before me, and thank You for bringing up the rear guard as the Psalmist says.

God, please strengthen the Courter family tonight. Bless them as they sleep. Give them beautiful dreams, and speak to them. For the future and present I ask that you protect them from any evil force that may want to harm them. I pray a hedge of protection by the blood of Christ around their family and those they love. I pray that you would comfort their hearts and remove any fears if they have any. I pray that you continue to give them vision, and that their vision would be expanded. Broaden their territory. Strengthen their bodies. Be with Rachael through the delivery process of their son, Nehemiah. God, thank You for the connection with them. I know that You have something very special in store for the future. Bless Haiti, God. We believe that You are calling this nation to arise. Arise Haiti!! Strengthen the people on Gelee beach and send Your angels to aid in the fight for their souls. I believe You, Lord.

In Your Name I pray,
Amen

thinking...

...with no luck.

I want to write a blog, but words just aren't coming.

Could be this Zyrtec that is making me slightly loopy.

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

:-)

Forgotten God

"I think the fear of God failing us leads us to "cover for God." This means we ask for less, expect less, and are satisfied with less because we are afraid to ask for or expect more. We even convince ourselves that we don't want more--that we have all the "God" we need or could want. I can't imagine how much it pains God to see His children hold back from relationship with the Holy Spirit out of fear that He won't come through. How much it grieves Him to watch His children ignore the promises He's made throughout Scripture due to fear that those promises won't be kept! Empowering His children with the strength of the Holy Spirit is something the Father wants to do. It's not something that we have to talk Him into. He genuinely wants to see us walk in His strength." -Francis Chan, "Forgotten God"

Have you ever felt a responsibility to "cover for God"? I have. Many times. It has most definitely lead me to expecting less from God. All those promises made to us in the Word of God regarding provision, strength, peace, and a future.

Even promises God has made me personally. I have found myself questioning the very truths that have brought me where I am. Just covering for God in case I heard Him wrong the first 103 times.

TRUTH:
*Driven by the Lord to make a difference physically, emotionally, and spiritually in the country of Haiti.
*Moved to dedicate my life and knowledge to improving the body through medicine and nursing.
*Impacted by the world outside my own causing a shift of my whole heart.

FICTION:
*God has already done so much. I'd be selfish if I asked for more information.
*I just have to wait.
*You are limited by your lack of knowledge.

My God, please do not allow the devil to continue to plant these thoughts into my mind. I refuse to be filled by anything that is not of You. Convict me of that which is not. God, I want the gift of the Holy Spirit to be upon me. I want to actively live out the life of a person who is consumed by Your Spirit. To edify who You are in the church and in the lives of those around me. I never want to be complacent with our relationship. God, draw me closer. Help me take steps closer to You. God, remember me as a woman chasing Your very heart. I know that You will come through, God. I know. Grant me strength as I pursue Your plans for Haiti and the rest of my life...

Nine Months Already?

Nine months ago, I did a crazy thing. I joined 12 other people and traveled with this organization called Convoy of Hope. I didn't know much at all about them. In fact, the first week was spent learning about it's history and how it works all over the world to impact the hurting, broken, lost, endangered, and disaster stricken. Through all it does to impact people around the world, some of the biggest impacts are made through their volunteer opportunities and intern program (http://convoyofhope.org/go/how/internship_program). You can read specifics about my journey with Convoy of Hope during the Summer of '09 in blog posts from March of 09-August of 09. They speak of when I first was introduced to the organization, to a month after returning from El Salvador, where I spent 3.5 weeks ministering primarily through actions and less through words. It's amazing how effective we can be when we learn to just be quiet.

Throughout the weeks with Convoy of Hope, I learned lessons that I will carry in my very core for the rest of my life. I'm spending a lot of time tonight reflecting. Reflecting about endurance. The art of enduring. I wonder if any of us can truly understand the depth of human suffering. I ponder what it would be like if any of us could just 'get it' for a moment. If for any period of time, we could feel. Our environment numbs us to the world outside. Though Haiti's tragic earthquake was a wake up call for some, the majority are still very much oblivious to the devastation surrounding us.

I learned about complaining. I learned how much I partook of it. The internship contract clearly states there is no room for petty complaining. Words to a future intern: Practice makes perfect. You have to START not complaining, and work at it until you perfect it. This is still something that creeps up on me every now and then. You may find complaints in my twitter (@kaylaaiken) updates, or on my facebook (facebook.com/kaiken). But know that everytime I do complain, a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit reminds me of the words. It's a disgusting habit.

I learned about impact. What is your idea of this word? What do you think will make the greatest difference for someone who is hurting? What is mission impact? What is missions? Who is a missionary?

9 months ago, I became a part of a family. A family with ties so strong after living together day in and day out for 6 weeks in a poverty-stricken environment, that nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing will sever the bond. 9 months ago, I learned what it means to be a part of something bigger than myself. 9 months ago, my life began to take a 180 degree turn from my plans to God's plans. Though it has been 3/4 of a year since I saw some of my closest friends, it feels like yesterday that I cried with them, laughed with them, carried them through a dark hour... Though it's been 9 months that I met friends in El Salvador, it feels like yesterday that I taught them about rehydration drinks, gave them refried beans, planted a sustainful garden for their community, taught their children new games, prayed with children and their parents for the Lord to enter their heart and transform the course of their lives. My El Salvadorean friends taught me way more than I ever thought I could learn in that dimension, and my Convoy of Hope friends loved me in a way that caused me to love differently.

Convoy of Hope continues to make a difference in ways that are unbelievable. Please check out their website at www.ConvoyofHope.org . Consider playing a part through prayer, most importantly. Second, there are many ways to become a part of what Convoy does. I like to call volunteers/interns "convoy-of-hoper-for-life." Believe me, the Convoy of family loves you and wants to invest into you more than you can imagine.

Me? I'm rather partial to the intern program. :) Check out http://convoyofhope.org/go/how/internship_program

Kayla

-Bought at a Price-

1 Corinthians 6:19b-20, "You are not your own; you were bought at a price."

This verse I have heard many times. But tonight, after reading some in a book named "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, my thoughts have changed. His book isn't speaking on this subject, but the verse was a reference, and something about it struck me differently.

After receiving the offer of salvation through Christ's sacrifice, we are expected to live different lives. Why? Because, in a sense, we sold ourselves. We no longer live by our rules, our family's expectations, or our friend's opinions. We most certainly have the option to live the same as our western world, the freedom to choose whatever action and justify it in whatever way we can. BUT, if you have accepted the offer of salvation, then you are expected to live according to God's law. Because, you do NOT own yourself. You were BOUGHT at a price. The price being Christ's own death.

A lot of times, I cheat God. I expect Him to follow up on His promises... but what about the promise I made Him. I promised to follow His commands all my days. I promised to enter into relationship with Him. I promised to read my Bible and pray! I promised to love Him no matter what happened. I promised to spread His life-changing story to as many as I could.

Then complacency and/or fear sets in... Though I still expect Him to hold up His end of the deal, I slowly but surely put off a few of the promises I made. Prayer? What is prayer? God already knows my thoughts. Sure...I'll pray for you.......if I get the time. and, You want me to talk to her? about You? Ummm, she wears Dolce&Gabana, expensive makeup, and carries a Coach purse... I'm sure she already knows Your story. Besides, she'll think I'm a religious freak and then I'll NEVER get to sit with her at the lunch table. Come on, you know we've all had those thoughts. So worried about our appearances that we purposefully put God a little behind us, laugh at a few dirty jokes, down a couple of drinks, and hope our church friends don't watch it all happen. We do it all to simply fit in, in this tiny little world in our tiny little towns. The picture of eternity doesn't even cause us to think twice anymore because our hearts are so hardened.

What amazes me is that although we do this, God doesn't cut us off. He just waits and/or pursues us to get back to Him. Without the Cross, all the aforementioned would immediately cut you off from God. Without the Cross, we would never know what it feels like to be in the presence of God. Without the Cross, our lives would be completely different.

The Cross, people. It's Christ on the Cross, people, that did this for us. He paid for you. A really big sacrifice, I might add... So, if you're a believer out there reading this, don't forget, "You are NOT your own; you were BOUGHT at a PRICE." (capitalization mine.) So, live like it, Kayla Aiken. Live like it, friends.

We may not get another chance.