was all that I worked for to be who I am now done in vain? were the best times of my life spent wasted in a school that taught me to be something I am so unsatisfied in now. do I carry the burden of choice? the choice to change? am I truly intelligent enough to be more than I am?
does God remember? does He remember the things He birthed in me? it feels as though He does not. it feels like abandonment. it crushes my core. and instead of waiting patiently in hope that He delivers, I prefer to retreat and remove myself from the line of potential pain. repeated wrenching.
and I think to myself, "If He knew I would ache the way I do, how could He ever birth such passion and remain still?"
and I think to myself, "If He knew I would ache the way I do, how could He ever birth such passion and remain still?"
surely you may read and judge that I am selfish, whining, and ungrateful. however, sometimes the hurt within simply needs expressed to an open ear.
what am I supposed to be?
"God, do even You remember?"
1 comment:
Yes he remembers. I've often thought this myself. How could he leave me hanging with such heartache? But I think sometimes he tries and tries to answer us and we just aren't listening, so he's quiet until we finally come up with the answer on our own. I sometimes think he's standing up there thinking "if you'd have just listened to me a long time ago...."
Post a Comment