The Same God

He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased OUR freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave OUR sins. -Ephesians 1:7


Something that is hard for me to wrap my mind around is that God is the same God for ALL of humankind. In the above verse, Paul states that he purchased "OUR" freedom and forgave "OUR" sins. ALL of us. Wait......everyone? That's hard to believe.


He loves each of His created souls equally and sent His Son to cover each of their individual sins. His grace is just as much for the murderer as it is for the murdered. His love reaches into the depth of the one who hates Him just as far as it does the soul who seeks Him. His mercy is for the abuser as much as for the abused. He fights on behalf of the one who hurt another as much as He fights for the one who was hurt. That's really hard to grasp when you're the one who's been hurt.


This means that the Lord loves the child murderer from Sandy Hook as deeply as He loved the little children who were mercilessly slaughtered. It means He loves and offers forgiveness to those who await their fate on death row for the horrific choices made in time's past. It means that those who hurt me, He loves and offers forgiveness to, just the same as He does me.


Forgiveness, grace and mercy abound and are endless with the Lord. Although justice will be served, it is not ours to serve. Romans 12:19 says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." I have to decide to let Him be my avenger. To trust that regardless of what comes from exposing hard truth's, that He will be my avenger, that He will be my protector, and that He will indeed be my "rear guard."


Isaiah 58:8 says, "Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your HEALING shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard."


Tonight, as I read friends on Facebook speak about the year 2012 in retrospect, as well as state their goals for 2013, I am reminded of what I learned in 2012. There is nothing and no one that is concrete in this world except the Lord who created it. As far as 2013, I hold no expectations aside from literally walking daily with Him beside me. To trust Him to act on my behalf and to protect me and to surround me with safety and with safe people.


Isaiah 43:18-19a says, "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth..."


Here's to tomorrow; and to the same God today, yesterday, and forever.

it's almost like He's whispering

As the saying goes, "You're your own worst critic."  And, this rings fairly true in my life.  As I've gone through counseling the past several months (wah, wah, wah...), I often find myself irritated at myself because of all I feel I "need"!  Prodding around in wounds of the past can be so difficult!

There are moments when I feel so insecure and so incredibly unsafe.  I feel alone, and in the moments of lonely desperately need to hear, "You're going to be okay." I reach out to friends, I pray, I read my Bible.  There have been times, (often), that with tears dripping off my chin, I am begging God to be real to me. To be near to me.

I recently started a short daily devotional plan off of my Bible app on my iPhone.  It's by John Piper.  The following was quoted in my reading the other day:

Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run to a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise. -John Piper

What grabbed me initially was, "he has awakened a cry for help".  I remember back in February, when I was convinced God had abandoned me... I remember literally crying multiple times, "God, if you are freakin' real, you gotta fix this shit...you gotta fix me and you better do it soon or I'm going to die."  What John Piper said made me realize that it was God Himself who awakened that cry out of me.

He creates us knowing that all we truly need is Him.  He knew before I did how badly I was in need of Him; so, He made me cry out.  Then, He answered.  In fact, He's answering every single day.  He made me cry out so that He could answer!  It's almost like He's whispering; saying, "I. love. you.  I want you.  I have you.  You're my creation."

Nothing can satisfy the need but that which created the need. -Oswald Chambers

The Lord creates our needs.  He made me "needy".  He designed me for companionship, to be kept secure, to live freely, to be held, to be loved, to be wanted.  Those are not needy things.  Those are "created" things.  But "nothing can satisfy the need but that which created the need".

Aha!  So, I'm not needy after all!  I'm created by the Father to be exactly the way I am and He has great plans to fulfill all of my needs!  I just have to go to Him for it.  To be willing to accept it from Him!

I'm not needy.  I'm created!

praise Him.

fought for

exodus 14:14 "the Lord himself will fight for you. just stay calm."

over the course of the past 22 days, my life (the secretive part) has ceased to continue as it has always. as the darkness has been exposed, the light has shone brightly on it. close friends have refused to let me re-drape it in black, therefore the journey of healing what has been covered began.

because of some events in my childhood, I realized how little I felt "fought for". through hard times at school, with poor teachers and coaches, I most always defended myself. there are things that happened at my school to me that no one knows about, because at the time I just believed I was the only one who would defend myself. and I handled those situations the best I knew how to. and when it came to arguments with my mom, my dad ignored them. pretended that if he didn't approach it, it would all simply go away. so, I fought for myself. I've always fought for myself.

three weeks ago, I couldn't fight anymore. just simply SO tired emotionally and mentally. so I stopped fighting. but the moment I stopped, my friends began fighting for me harder than I have ever fought for myself. friends that see way more in myself than I can at times. and multiple people who have contacted me so randomly (that have had no idea the situation I've found myself in), simply to tell me that they felt the Lord was laying me on their heart to pray for me.

when I realized how little I felt "fought for", I was devastated. it was what brought me to my knees. I didn't have anywhere to turn, so I nose dived downward. and as I look back at the course of the past 3 weeks, I can see how so intricately the Lord is fighting for me. He's battling on my behalf and helping me reach healing in a more whole way than I've ever had it before.

I am so PROUD of myself for making the changes I've made the last three weeks. though my friends have been at the forefront of helping me navigate these roads I've never taken, the decisions have always been mine. I have chosen this way to follow instead of the other, and though it feels harder, it feels right. in areas of weakness, I have relinquished control to two safe friends. as an outlet for stress and a choice to make myself stronger, I have joined CrossFit. and, I pray harder than I've ever prayed because I'm dealing with things that are at times stronger than I am.

and when I feel like I can't fight for myself anymore, I rest assured knowing that the LORD fights for me. He determines to show me that even when I won't press on, He's going to press on for me. praise Him for building an army around me.

I know that "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." 2 Corinthians 1:4

In time, and even now, I am able to comfort others around me just because of the comfort He has given me.

good, good, God.