it's almost like He's whispering

As the saying goes, "You're your own worst critic."  And, this rings fairly true in my life.  As I've gone through counseling the past several months (wah, wah, wah...), I often find myself irritated at myself because of all I feel I "need"!  Prodding around in wounds of the past can be so difficult!

There are moments when I feel so insecure and so incredibly unsafe.  I feel alone, and in the moments of lonely desperately need to hear, "You're going to be okay." I reach out to friends, I pray, I read my Bible.  There have been times, (often), that with tears dripping off my chin, I am begging God to be real to me. To be near to me.

I recently started a short daily devotional plan off of my Bible app on my iPhone.  It's by John Piper.  The following was quoted in my reading the other day:

Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run to a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise. -John Piper

What grabbed me initially was, "he has awakened a cry for help".  I remember back in February, when I was convinced God had abandoned me... I remember literally crying multiple times, "God, if you are freakin' real, you gotta fix this shit...you gotta fix me and you better do it soon or I'm going to die."  What John Piper said made me realize that it was God Himself who awakened that cry out of me.

He creates us knowing that all we truly need is Him.  He knew before I did how badly I was in need of Him; so, He made me cry out.  Then, He answered.  In fact, He's answering every single day.  He made me cry out so that He could answer!  It's almost like He's whispering; saying, "I. love. you.  I want you.  I have you.  You're my creation."

Nothing can satisfy the need but that which created the need. -Oswald Chambers

The Lord creates our needs.  He made me "needy".  He designed me for companionship, to be kept secure, to live freely, to be held, to be loved, to be wanted.  Those are not needy things.  Those are "created" things.  But "nothing can satisfy the need but that which created the need".

Aha!  So, I'm not needy after all!  I'm created by the Father to be exactly the way I am and He has great plans to fulfill all of my needs!  I just have to go to Him for it.  To be willing to accept it from Him!

I'm not needy.  I'm created!

praise Him.