the V word

i'm not talking about victory. the word is not veracity or virgin or vegetables... it's vulnerable.

none of us want to be it. at least not really. i would also suggest to you that even in our most vulnerable moments, we keep it surface level.

i want to shake that up. i want to be real with you for several reasons.

first thing, i believe that though we feel alone in our struggles, we are not. i also believe that when He is given the opportunity, the Lord can work through our struggle and sin to bring ourselves healing and redemption and also to pave the road to freedom for others.

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." (2 Corinthians 1:4)

 secondly, i simply do not want to hide anymore. hiding gets increasingly difficult with time. i've also learned that sharing brings freedom from the feeling of bondage. though, much caution should be taken when choosing who to be vulnerable with.

many of you know that the past 9 months have been very difficult for me. some of you may have read the blogs i vomited out of extreme brokenness and heartache and anger. for clarification, i am not in the least bit remorseful for those blog posts. they were/are a window into a deeper part of who i am. a deep part that i know i am not alone in having. and, i am aware that quite possibly the words of mine you read, made you feel uncomfortable because you yourself have struggled with similar things.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)

to initiate being vulnerable with you, in April, i began the counseling process with a christian counselor. though some of you know this, many of you don't. i deeply believe that the Lord set in motion this counseling, and i know He set it in motion because of the aforementioned verse. counseling is a process for healing the brokenhearted and binding wounds. but i will be extremely honest, the process sucks. it is the most painful thing i have walked through yet, as those wounds that He binds, He must first expose and deeply dig out. it is messy.

there's a lot more to me and my story that i have hope in sharing with you in time. because through it, the Lord WILL bring healing and restoration to not only me, but quite possibly to you, as well.

i don't know who you are reading this, but i love you. and i intensely desire you to be set free from the "stuff" that entangles you. so much so, that i am willing to share with you the innermost secretive parts of me.

of course i am hesitant in being vulnerable to you. because you may hurt me. even unintentionally. so be patient and be kind, because i want to show you Christ's healing process. i want you to see it, so maybe you'll let Him heal you, too.