"Even If..."

Before I walked into work this morning, I decided to open up my email and do a little clean up of my inbox.  I rarely open and read the "Encouragement for Today" email's from Proverbs 31 Ministries... but I did today.

The author recalled her past of being raped and ten years later trying to heal from it.  She often asked herself how she could possibly forgive him without an apology from him.  She later discovered that even if he gave her an apology, it would not set her free.  It would not set her free.

If it is possible to feel punched in the gut and hugged at the same time; it's what I felt.

I felt the Lord whisper to my heart, "Even if they believed you, it would not set you free."  For the sake of hearts involved, I'll conceal what my family has refused to believe. The point is that man's word does not set anyone free from any chains.  Actually, man's word can bind.

Stephanie Clayton writes,

"Freedom is not contingent upon receiving an apology from those who have hurt us."

I have lived for 18 years with a chain around my ankles, waiting for someone to listen.  Waiting for someone to dig deep and figure out the pain etched in my masked smile.  Longing to be held and loved through the shame and confusion.  The older I became, the more compact it all became and the chains tightened.  I have been waiting to be heard and believed by the people who gave me life, while missing that God was the one who breathed air into my lungs and caused my heart to beat.

I missed that my freedom cannot possibly come from where I expect it to come from.  It comes from the God who is my father AND my mother.  Freedom comes from living for an audience of ONE.  Freedom comes by walking back through the pain, and allowing Him to soothe and console and nurture the wounds caused by faulty people (as we all are at times...).

It's interesting to me that man can bind, but man cannot unbind.  Only God can bring freedom.  Only He holds the power to restore what has been destroyed.

And, He is not waiting for anyone to apologize before He heals.