unclean

I am such a sinner.

...like, seriously.

sinner.

be careful if you think you are standing, because >BAM< you find yourself eating the concrete, searching for your glasses because you can't see anything, and your once white pants are soaked in the muddy puddle.

for me, it happens suddenly.  my hands will be in the air worshipping the God I claim as my own, and the next thing they're spelling words they shouldn't be.  sin is alluring.  sin is tempting.  sin is fun.  and in the moment, nothing matters except keeping the attention.

but afterward, you feel like shit about yourself.  because our hearts are not created to withstand what is harmful to us.  but often sin is placed in a form that makes it feel impossible to resist.

a tiny pinch of it begs us leaving for more and more and before long you've lost sight.  the glasses are nowhere to be found, and all sense of clarity in your mind has left you.  all that matters is the next hit of whatever makes you feel good, so you chase more of it.  and in your chase, something causes you to trip, and then you're crawling on the ground sucked into the irresistible.  the rest on the ground feels initially nice so you just stay awhile.

meanwhile, something weighted seems to be keeping you from moving as freely as before.  slightly panicked, you attempt to rise, only to realize you're pinned...and it's dark outside, the noises are not calming, and the ground is getting cooler.

stay with me...I'm just painting a picture of what happens to me when I dabble in the sin that so often entices me.

he is charming, and he is manipulative.

sin separates me from the God I reach out my hands to.  not because He doesn't love me, but because I've chosen darkness over light.  ...once again.

but I still walk through the church doors, and I shake the hand of the person beside me and I smile and I fool them.  I fool me.

I contemplate communion.  my hands don't deserve to touch it.  I am too unclean.  like a leper.  I should be confined to the outer walls of the city, unable to commune with people of God.  because I am a sinner.  unclean.

then Grace happens.  a scandalous thing it is.  Grace takes my leprous hands, places the bread and wine into them.  I push it away, "Don't you know what I've done..."  Grace nods His head and pushes the elements back into my grip.

I take you back.  I will always take you back.  Commune with me.  

The weights on the body loosen, Grace hands you back your sight, and helps you to your feet.

"Hang out with me..." Grace says, "Let me walk with you..."