Recovery

My birthday is coming up. March 7. I'll be 24. It always kind of freaks me out when I realize that every year of my life is another year farther away from being 18 again. This year seems to be beginning with a certain theme; letting go.

There are many ideas/things/relationships that need to be let go in my life. Let go so that other ideas can form, that better things can come, and so that stronger, healthier relationships can build.

It's not easy for me to let go...of anything. I'm not a hoarder of material things, but things of the heart; I am. Even when it may be damaging to my heart. I'm positive I'm not the only one. You may be the same way.

In the past, I have allowed negative behaviors to control my actions. I have allowed negative influences to lead my relationships. I have allowed negative sights, sounds, and feelings to confirm what I think about myself; that I'm useless, purposeless, filthy, worthless, and incapable.

Through much reflection and hard work, those negative thought patterns are being disabled. Sometimes I still make decisions out of those beliefs; and often those decisions put me in a path of harm. It's okay to make those decisions, though. I'm still working it out. I know it's not possible, but I kind of convince myself that Jesus loves me more because of my failings. It makes coping with them a little easier. :)

Anyway, letting go is hard. But, I am having to do it in many areas of my life. I would encourage you to seek yourself and see if you find anything you would benefit from letting go of. Or maybe, you will find a hole that needs filled.

I'm praying that 2013 is better than 2012. And that my 24th year is better than my 23rd.

A year of recovery. Yes, a year to recover.