the opposite sex

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right. (Song of Songs 3:5 NLT)

Dating. Kissing. Marriage. Sex. Babies.

In that order, please. Come to me, husband.

Have you ever read the Song of Songs? Wow, it's pretty hot. I mean, who thought Solomon could write this and get away with it in THE BIBLE (!!!) :

"Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices— henna with nard..." Song of Songs 4:13

-at which the young woman responds:

"...Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits." Song of Songs 4:16

Ummm, I'm no theologian, but I'm not sure I need my expository to figure out what they're telling each other. ...if ya know what I mean.

Let's get real. I'm 24 years old. We're supposed to be in our prime!! Where are all the good men? (I know that sounds cliche, but for reals...)

Bottom line is that, I'm waiting. I've actually been waiting. ...and waiting. And I guess I'll keep waiting. (It's not like there's actually anything I can do about the matter except...well, wait it out.)

I pray that whoever the Lord has designated to be blessed by me (sarcasm...), will come along in the right time. There is still much healing that my heart needs. And God has gently reminded me of that.

I want a dynamic marriage. I want to marry my best friend. I don't want perfection, I want someone to do life with. And life gets messy. And pasts are messy. My past is messy. I can love regardless. I want a man of God who loves deeply and leads valiantly and pursues diligently. I want to be a wife who walks beside him, loves him, and submits honorably. And I want to be a Mom that he has envisioned for his children, a mom to my kids and kids birthed by others...

I'll wait for that. And I trust that married life will be as hot as Solomon and his lover write about in the Song of Songs.

Here's to us, single people!

You're legit. Worth waiting for. You're gorgeous. You're handsome. You're hot. Your value is way more than rubies. And you have a LOT to offer the opposite sex someday.

Press on!

is love enough?

James 1:22-27

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

I have read the book of James many times over my life.  But as we know well, the Word of God is alive and sharper than a two edged sword and often it carves a new creation on our hearts. 

This morning, I was reading and seeking God's voice.  I skipped church because I just didn't feel like fighting with snow and my warm bed was too comfy to leave.

As I read this passage in James, I had to really ask myself some questions.  First, "Do I do what God's word says to do?"  "Do I control my tongue?"  "Do I really care for orphans and widows in their distress?"

My heart is good and intentional, but my arms and legs (and tongue and wallet) often fall short.  For the last couple of weeks, I have been caught up in the grace of God.  But I have to ask myself this morning, "Am I placing bets on grace?  Can't grace just carry me on?"

I'm not religious, and I'm not legalistic.  But, am I truly living like Jesus asks me to?

I drink alcohol (often), I use cuss words, and I listen to "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.  I got a tattoo and intend on getting more.  I don't pay tithes (honest) and I skip church... often.  I talk a lot about caring for the orphans.  I wrestle in sin and it usually wins.

But, I love.  I love deeply.  Is that enough?  

It's not.  

James 2:20, "Can't you see that faith without good deeds is useless?"

I know it's not about works, but...it's about works.

Eh.  I have questions.

scandalous grace

do you struggle with the concept of grace?

do you wrestle with the belief that God holds the balance of grace and justice in perfect harmony?

do you accept His grace?

do you believe He longs to bestow it upon you?



When I chose to open my eyes and gaze into the ugly of my sin, I became fully aware of how unworthy I am to be a recipient of God's grace.  because grace is for those who sin "little" sins.  grace is for those who tell "white lies" and quietly mutter disdain under their breath.  grace is only for those who are worthy of receiving it.  grace is for those who don't return to their sin.  grace is for the perfect.  

if I am aware of my shortcomings, how much more is God aware of my failings.  how can a God who is whole and holy and worthy and perfect possibly give such a sinner His graciousness.

it is hard for me not to view God watching me in disgust.  looking down from the beauty that is Heaven and shaking His head at my ridiculousness.  I anticipate that He will open His mouth and spew judgment on my mind of wrath and heart of resistance.  the Bible speaks of Him both as grace-giving and a judge.

is it possible for me to know which stance He will take with me?  how does He view me? is He disappointed in me?

Romans 2:6, "He will judge everyone according to what they have done."
and
Ephesians 1:6, "So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son."

which is it?  because much like Paul, I find that even though in my deep I desire to do good, I so often do wrong.

I struggle with the concept of grace.  I wrestle with believing that God truly holds a perfect balance between grace and judgment.  I don't always accept grace.  I believe that God would rather pour out wrath of judgment on me than lavish me in grace.

grace is a scandalous thing.  

most incomprehensible.

what are your thoughts on the subject of grace?  what has God taught you throughout your journey?  do you wrestle with the same things I do?  have you grown in understanding of grace through your struggle?  if so, please share...

twenty.four.

What a brilliant day.  The sun was shining warmly and flip flops donned my feet; time for pedicures again!

Birthday.

I was oddly excited for it this year.  twenty.three. was just a hard year.  I wrote a blog recently about this year being one of "recovery".  (You can visit it if you click on the link.)  In that blog, I spoke of my upcoming birthday and about how I was praying and believing that my twenty.fourth. year would be so much better than my twenty.third.

This day, I remembered where my heart was one year ago.  Let's just say that it was certainly not where it is today.  My heart was hurting so deeply that even I could not see the depth of the ache.  However, there were people in my life who recognized it and called it out.  Many of you have watched me top mountains to hopelessly land in valleys moments later.  Yet, you've loved me unconditionally.  Though my twenty.third. year was horrific in many ways, it was a year in which the Lord taught me of relentless love.

He has displayed it through you.

James 5:19-20 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins."

I declare that twenty.four. is going to be an amazing year.  While continuing in recovery, the Lord is stitching and healing and creating something beautiful.  Romans 8:28 tells me, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God..."

I wish that I could express through words or gifts how much you mean to me.  There is simply not a word that defines the deep gratitude and love my heart feels for you and all that you've sacrificed to love me through.  There is not a gift that can show thankfulness for the late night talks, the hugs, the notes, the messages, the dinners, the coffees...

You know who you are.  Every day, I'm paying it forward.  Jesus in you.  Jesus in me.  This world will change.  Babies will be rescued.  Children will be set in families.  Hearts will turn toward the Savior.  The unloved will be loved.  The angry will find rest.  The stressed will find peace.  The hurting will find healing.

My twenty.fourth. will not be silent.

My twenty.fourth. will be resilient.