Just to please Him?

It's been like 2 months since I put anything up here. Funny, last post I was completing my last final and today is the 5 week marker for when I move into my apt and start my third semester of college, the first one in nursing. Scary but oh so ready!!! I am ready to get back into my church. I call it my church, but really, it's not yet. I wish I knew more people there. It seems like every other church in that sense. The clicks, and yet again, another church with no college class. hmmm... I feel like I do know and am ahead of some others when it comes to the Word of God. I probably get that from my Daddy. He's really good at interpreting and breaking down the Bible. Not that I know even an eighth of what he does, but really, I don't think anyone else understands the Bible like he does. I'm proud of him. I also really love my mom. We really don't get along very well, but there are reasons for that, both my own and hers. Really, if you think about it, most families wouldn't stick together after being through what ours has. I mean, really.

Anyway, on to a new subject.

"Just to please Him"
Seriously, my life is not lived like that. I named this blog that after wanting with everything I was to just please my Savior. I just want to be someone He looks down at and smiles, but ya know, I sin a whole lot. Does everyone? Sure... but somehow the way my sin separates me from God hurts. Now, I know that technically God doesn't see our sin, because He looks THROUGH Jesus. However, I know Jesus sees what I've done. What's hilarious about this is that I act as though this particular sin I know about and me only. I just talked to a friend the other night and finally confessed it to her. Turns out she's going through the same thing. Can two people going through the same sin and situation really help each other out? Can they hold each other accountable? Can they Please Him? No, not at all. We each need help individually. That would require me telling someone else about this disgusting sin. Will I do it? ...Idk...

Lord Jesus,
I have shamed You. I still shame you. I'm sorry, but ya know, I can't promise I won't do it again. I can't. I would probably be lying. I love you, but I can't please you. I can't make you proud of me. And I'm sorry.

Kayla