"Exactly where is my...

...money?" It's something I've been asking SBU for several weeks now. Then, I find out yesterday that the reason I don't have it is all my fault anyway. I hadn't signed the promissory note. But, I thought I had... oh it's not really worth rehashing. Long story, and boring. :-)

Well, anyway, I've been living on next to nothing since returning from El Salvador the last day in July. I literally have not had cash in my wallet since then. My family has been so generous in loaning me money, but it's been in small amounts at a time, and gas is well...expensive. That, and I am not always the greatest at budgeting. Although, that is so going to change. I have a lot to return to my family, and a few other things to financially take care of. . . and then, maybe I will be able to focus on something else.

The reason for writing this blog is about to make itself known.

Today, I went to pick up a check that SBU wrote out as a cash advance type thing. They know my money is coming, so they are just helping me out a bit. So I drove up to Bolivar knowing that the check would be ready for me after 1:30pm. I got there a tad early, so I just hung out listening to music in my car. Thinking. . . Around that time, I went to get my money. :) After receiving my check with no problem, I went to my car and almost screamed out loud in excitement! As I was unlocking my car, God pierced my spirit and immediately I heard Him speak, Do you trust in this to take care of you? Do you find it alarming that you put so much faith into a material thing? I immediately reevaluated my response to receiving the money in such a relieving-type way. Because, I realized that I was doing exactly what I had never wanted to do again. This being, putting joy and less stress in the fact that I had money. Not that money isn't necessary to live on, and not that God doesn't bless us with it. But, I literally acquainted how safe I felt with how much money I had. Which is so wrong. God has gone before me and been my rear guard my entire life, and I have not felt it moreso than these past few months.

Anyway, to some, it might seem a little crazy that I place so much importance on this. But, what is most important is that it was spoken to me. Not everyone will God deal with the same. For me, it was to make sure I wasn't placing so much trust in such a material, unreliable item. Never have I been more ready and willing to do some serious life changing things. Budgeting, here I come!

WOW! :)

Church was SO great this morning. The sermon was one that encouraged people who were not in a life group to get in one. It also reminded us that are in life groups the benefits of staying in one. Pastor Scotty made a great point. You wouldn't take a job based on the negative things it came with; You would take a job based on the benefits you received from it. This is an awfully short way to put it, but I am terrible at summing things up well.

AnYwAy, I was so encouraged at church this morning. I think just being in the House of God this morning is what did it. Coming to the conclusion earlier on in the week that I was done being rather selfish about church and what I expected from it played a vital role in this morning for me. I am so grateful for connections and divine appointments God has done for me. I sometimes measure how in tune with God I am with how much I perceive He is working in my life. I know, ridiculous... But it's sometimes how I think. But I'm trying to really change my viewpoint from this distorted untruth to the fact that when I do what I am supposed to do such as pray, read the Word, and spend time intimately with my Savior, He is indeed still transforming every fiber of my heart.

Life Group is tonight! I am so very very excited for it tonight! :-D

xoxo

Back in the game!

I have been SUCH a procrastinator lately. Not just school or good rest time... but to church and friends time. It still feels a little weird. School definitely makes life a bit more of a routine, but it has not been one easily settled into. Still struggling a bit with moving in with a family of six. They are soooo good to me, and amazing people! I am so blessed.

I've avoided church a lot lately. I don't think that's common for those who come back from life changing missions for God. But for some reason, loneliness absolutely gripped my heart. I'm sure satan had a good work in this, and I could definitely feel it. But the point is, no more. I went to a Designed For Life meeting last night. (DFL is a women's conference my church is putting on and I'm volunteering.) They talked a lot about how much the women coming to this conference are loved, and how much they want to be able to spread Christ's love to them so they can share it with others. The end goal of course being new souls on their way to Heaven! And after a rather stressful day, this tiny sprout of, "Oh yeah, that's why I'm here... To show LOVE!" popped up into my head, it just all came back.

I'm here. Not to sit. Not to stand and mope. But to MOVE. To RISE UP. No part is too small. Through the love and will of Christ, I can most definitely be a part of changing lives. As I type this up, I'm thinking to myself how ridiculous it is that I was lied to about these things. Be careful friends, because Satan is so very sneaky. Your thoughts are so very controlling and it only takes one time of letting your guard down for him to slip in.

Be encouraged. 1 John 4:4 says, "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." I am definitely encouraged by this!

You are so loved!

Speak Louder

Hollla!
So, I know it's been like a good while since I've updated. Four short days after my last post, I started classes. I guess that's a good indicator of why I've been MIA. I guess you could say I've been a POW. :-)

Not a lot has gone on since last update. School has sucked most of my time. Between school, childcare, and church, August was especially busy. September has slowed a bit and become a tad more organized, but school.. oh man, what craziness!

I guess what I'd like to talk about tonight is the importance of staying in your Bible.

We all fall short of that goal to get up and read every morning before we start our day. I have. I have a lot actually. And, I'm feeling it. Without starting your day with Christ, it's as if you skip out on your spiritual Wheaties. How do I go through my day without having on the armor of God, without being equipped by the scriptures for spiritual readiness and warfare, and how do I go without the remembrance of God's holy love wrapped around my heart?

For me, I have to be reminded daily of how much I mean to God. Without His steady Spirit, calm voice, and firm guidance I am nothing. I am worth nothing to my colleagues, patients, and instructors. I have been experiencing difficulty sleeping, anxiety throughout my days, and a poor attitude about church. It's as if I've transformed into a different person entirely. Tonight, it finally hit me as to why I have been feeling like this. I have been relying on myself. I've become more independent than when I was with Convoy in the summer. Dependence on God and God alone is what allowed all the doors to open to me. I trusted Him, and He knew I trusted Him with everything I had. Now, however, I've resorted back to this thinking of I am in control.

A little update on me. Nothing too interesting. But, I've been meaning to update for a while.

Love you guys/Praying for you.
Kayla