So Loved

I should be studying right now. In my defense, I have studied a LOT today. :-) And, I am feeling rather crummy too. SO, I deserve to update my blog.

This weekend was the JamesRiverWomen's conference Designed For Life: So Loved. It was incredible. It was such a resourceful time for me. Another encouraging, bold, confronting push for me to really show people how much Christ and myself love them. I do love people. SO much. My heart breaks for the lonely, isolated, hurting, socially withdrawn, sinners, homeless, hungry, naked, and sick... During my time in El Salvador, I prayed and begged God that He would replace my eyes with His own. I want to see through people as He does. I want to feel the pain His heart feels when He looks at what this harsh world has done to His people.

I love the way this conference spread how much God loves His people. But, what I love more is seeing those loved people spread more love. I just love seeing people do the very thing we were created for as women. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!

One specific thing I felt the Spirit speaking to me during the conference was that I may very well be using the idea of worldly success to inhibit God's ULTIMATE plan. God has a plan, and He can take any decision I make and tweak it to get me where He wants me. But, I don't want to waste time. I want to be out there allowing God to get EVERY second of my life as He can get. And, it's SO up to me to give it away to Him. He will not force me to give Him all of me. I know that God has a plan for my life far greater than I could ever imagine. And, I'm going for it.

The past few weeks I have really been tossing up the idea of furthering my education in the Nursing field. And, when I stepped back and evaluated the reasons why I would do this... Well, let me share them with YOU.
1) I will make more money.
2) I will be able to lead, to be in charge, on a hospital floor.
3) I will be able to pay for a nice house and car.
4) My family wants me to.
5) My close friends think you can never go wrong in having a higher degree.

And, I agree with everything that everyone tells me. It is the logical thing to do. I felt God speaking to my heart these questions during one of the sessions.

First question asked: "Could the want for success be a tool Satan is using to keep me from missions?" Hmmm.... maybe.

Second question God asked, "Will you always think, 'You're only a _(fill in the blank)_?'" (i.e. a nurse with only an associates, a nurse with only a bachelors, a nurse with only a masters, a young barely out of teen years girl?) And, as I type this, I sense God saying to me, "What about how I view you? Does that mean nothing to you, my daughter?"

Third question, "Am I missing the point?"

And as I answer the third question... I do think I have allowed myself to get unfocused. We as Christians tend to think that unless things are happening right in front of our faces, God isn't working or He is taking a break with us. But, I know the truth is, He is waiting for me to give Him a little more of me. How much more trust will I put in Him? How much? How far will I go? Will I be comfortable in knowing I am a daughter of Jesus and that He is my SOLE provider, or will a bigger, more prestigious degree?

I am going to close up this blog. But before I do, I want to let anyone who may feel the need to take offense that I am definitely not saying that furthering your education is a bad thing. In fact, I say GO as far as you can. In my case, God knows that I DO value this, but for my goals, dreams, and aspirations in my life, a higher degree may not be necessary right now.

In my perfect world, I would like to come back from wherever God sends me and eventually become a Nurse Practitioner. But what if there isn't time for that right now? What if God wants me now, all of me, for THIS time and occasion?

If so, I'm ALL there. Will you pray for me?

B.l.e.s.s.e.d.