. . . this journey that God has called me to.
I'm back in the United States. I think now more than ever I understand the verse in the Bible that talks about how we are only alien's in this land. We don't belong here. Our life is a mission's trip. Not a summer of our life, or a 'season' of our life. "Life is a missions trip," says Matt, "again, life is a missions trip." My time in EL SALVADOR was one filled with compassion. It seemed the more love I poured out, the more I received. Our God is funny like that. The more we give, the more we receive. I sometimes feel like saying, "It's enough! I don't deserve all of this, God." But, He just wants to show how much He loves me.
Leaving my new family was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life. I'm not understating that. It was seriously that hard. I cried for 45 minutes after I pulled away. Needed to pull over, even. I thought about all that I was leaving. Encouragement, Devotion, Love, Hardwork, Intensity, and Discipline. I didn't know how I was going to function without being surrounded by such Godliness.
When I woke up on Friday morning, I was still heartbroken. I missed walking in and seeing Jill's lovely face welcoming me with a fresh hot pot of coffee. And, Morgan's "Good morning, Kayla!" and Kelly's, "Hello, beautiful!"... Seriously, who wouldn't miss that? I felt rather lost. Like, I'm home, but my heart is broken in 12 separate pieces and spread all across the United States. I know this sounds exaggerated, but it's the truth! I missed them so much, I left the house early and spent the entire afternoon at the intern house where we have lived for the summer. I visited with Shannon and shared more stories, and laughter. Then, it was time to leave again. I got back to the house late, and went to bed but found I just couldn't sleep. I woke up on Saturday, and again felt so lost, and realized it was moving day. I mosied out of bed, drove to springfield, and packed up the UHAUL trailer my family brought up.
On the day of moving, I was met with a loving hug and welcome home, and it was cool. But, with moving, family, and different personalities, I found myself wishing to just crawl back into a hole and spend time with God. Only God. Tempers flared, and words were shared that were just hurtful. After spending 6 weeks filled with NO complaining, very little anger, and all encouragement and words that lifted up, it was hard to even hear stuff like that. I listened to gossip, anger toward others, and mindsets that are so. . .different from my own. It was really disheartening.
I am so loved. I am very very blessed. I am loved. My family does a lot for me. My grandparents (both sets) have given up so much in order to give me the things that make me comfortable. My parents do everything they can to help me out in many areas. And, it's probably simply an attack from the enemy that makes me feel so separate from them. But, it could just be that I'm growing up, developing into my own person, and figuring out who I am. Not just who I am as a person, but who I am in Christ. I have the same responsibilities to do what Christ did on this earth while He was here. And, I have the Holy Spirit to help me accomplish that.
Many things are in my future. Good, bad, encouraging, discouraging, uplifting, and not so uplifting, and they are all things I am looking forward to. I can only imagine what this next year will bring. I pray daily that God's hand of favor be upon my life, and my future. And, I give myself wholly to Him every day I wake up. I also pray for divine appointments to be made, and that I am tender hearted enough to see them and interact in them. Will you join me in this?
I realize everyone will be waiting on an update of what happened on this trip, and I can't wait to give you all one. I'm going to be creating a newsletter, that will include a photo and an explanation of what my sponsors and prayer partners took to the children, their parents, and others in El Salvador!
xoxo
Kayla
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