Crazy Wedding Dream

Last night I had a really crazy dream. In my dream, I was standing with this guy that I used to have a huge thing for back in the day. He was standing beside me as my groom. But, he was so unhappy. I felt very confused because I knew it wasn't time to get married. Nothing was organized. I was in a beautiful dress, but no one stood up beside me, and there was no one there to officiate the marriage, either. My dad didn't walk me up the aisle. Very few people were even smiling. But, I loved him. I told him that several times, and he would just look at me like he felt bad for me. It was a horrid feeling. He told me that he couldn't tell me that he loved me, he could only show me. But still no happiness was revealed on his face. He didn't even want to hold my hand.

Now I know that this guy doesn't 'like' me now, even if he did back in the day. So, the actual person in the dream doesn't really cause me to think anything out of the ordinary. But, the Lord has spoken to me through dreams many times. As soon as I woke up, I felt something in my Spirit. I didn't want to hear it. But, at the same time, I knew better than to try and stop listening.

It felt like the Lord was saying to me that when I try to rush things and do it my way, everything feels so wrong. So 'wrong timing' feeling. I remember during the 'wedding' in my dream, there was a part where I was taken aside and family members were pushing me to marry him because he was good for me. "If he doesn't love you now, he will later," is what they said. I even woke myself up talking aloud in my sleep trying to tell him that through everything, I would be there for him. Friends, it was soooo real. I very rarely remember my dreams. Actually, typically when I do remember them, they are from the Lord. (Even as I type this up, there is still this crazy nudging feeling inside my gut.) As I listened to what the Lord wanted me to hear, I felt Him saying that He understands where I'm at in the whole relationship/wanting to date thing. And that if I wait, He has something incredible in store for me. But, if I choose not to wait, I will end up with somebody that can't love me like God wants my mate to love me. The choice is mine, and God will bless either one, but He has something better for me.

I want to be able to just relax and be content in waiting, but this urgent feeling is one I just can't shake. And maybe, just maybe, this urgency isn't in my heart and soul for a man. Maybe it's for something else God has brewing. Sometimes, I wish I could get a small glimpse of what the heavenly realm is holding, but I know I could never understand it. The more I read my Bible, the more questions I come up with.

God, You are an amazing God. Although I don't always understand Your ways, I want to walk with You. I want Your journey for me to unfold before me in Your timing. Lord, I need Your help to keep me in check while I wait. I need guidance. I need training. I need love. And, I need wisdom and understanding. Help me be a blessing to others, Lord. Open doors for me to do Your work. To do Your will throughout this town. Help me share Your life-breathing news to the homeless, broken, down and out. Use me, God. Use me, please. Show me purpose. Give me patience. Break me. I need to feel Your love, Lord.
I love you, God. Amen.