Sometimes My Heart Aches

It's been a while since updating my blog. (And, at 11:30pm, it's probably not a very good time to try to do so...)

It feels like the more I try not to think about the fact that I'm single, the more anxious and impatient I become. I know I'm only twenty. I know that most people like to remind me of that quite frequently, even though I really dislike it. I know that I have time, and I'm not doubting that for a second. It's just that it all feels so very hopeless. Could he really be out there? Is there really a man that wants the same thing in life that I do? Could there ever be someone so specific?

A lot of people say to make lists, to pray for specifics, to make vows, to do this, to do that... but it's not really that necessary. A list isn't going to bring you the man of your dreams, and praying about it doesn't make a whole lot of sense because God knows what is better for us than we do. The more I pray about it..the more I just think and dwell on it. It may be better for me not to pray about it. ;-)

The things I long for and feel ready for... coming home to make dinner, chat about the day, read a good book together, pray together, volunteer together, connect with others. . . Share in the same dreams and visions for the future the Lord is planning for us. I know it's totally not necessary to be married and do huge things for the Lord. And, I'm all down with that. But at this point in my heart and life, I ache for it. I'm not unhappy alone, or mad, or sad... just ready. At least that's what my heart says.

Another ridiculous point is that I have virtually NO time to put into a relationship. Maybe that's why God hasn't sent him yet. He knows I'm busy... yeah, I'll keep telling myself that. Lol. I can be impatient, but the truth remains that God's timing is best. (Elizabeth said that is what the sermon was on tonight. Too bad I had to be at clinicals.) He knows what I need way more than I do. God wants me to get where He wants me to go way more than I want to get where He wants me to go. And, I must cling to that.

I have so much more I could/want to say.... but I won't.
Goodnight, loves.
xoxo