Hi friends. :)
Blessed: divinely or supremely favoured.
Time: an appointed, fit, due, or proper instant or period; the particular point in time when an event is scheduled to take place; the right occasion or opportunity.
Impact: influence, effect.
In certain situations in my life, it has taken an extreme intervention by God to slap me back to attention. At least, they feel extreme. When God can't get something through my thick head for a while, He resorts to dreams, people, and a heavy heavy spirit. Lately, my spirit has been burdened. Burdened for myself. Burdened because I've been so selfish...
Tonight, riding in a car coming back from dinner, my Dad had a nice little chat with his 3 girls. It's very rare that we are all in the same place at the same time. He took advantage of the time and spoke to us about the times that we are living in. How exciting they are. But, also, how dangerous they are. He spoke to us about living right, whole, healthy before the Lord. To do what is right constantly. I was convicted.
I've been so worried about myself, about what I feel and what I want. I've been focused on what I can get out of the rest of the years of my life. Just how successful can I be? Refreshing on how much being driven toward success is just part of who I am, I do not feel sorry for that. I'm not convicted about that specifically. But I am convicted because I know deep down, I've been wanting what looks best in the world's eyes than what looks best in His eyes.
Tonight my Dad talked a little bit about our family history. This is the part of the blog where the defined words come into play. I've been blessed because I am loved by my God. And, though for no known reason, He favours me. He has purposed my life. Even as I type the words, I am chilled. I love You, God. Christine Caine sent out a tweet a few days ago about how rare, rather the odds, of being born at this time. I am only the 4th generation on my Dad's side of the family that has chosen to follow Christ. My great-grandpa Johnny went to church and gave his life to Christ at a very young age, spent several months studying the Bible at school, and chose to raise his family in accordance to the Word of God. He changed the course of history. <>. I bet several of you can relate. The magnitude of my Great-Grandpa's decision altered. the. course. of. my. life. Now, let's shift toward my Mom's side of the family. This is even better. My grandma was the first person, and still is, the only person out of her entire family that accepted Christ as her Savior. She married an unsaved, alcoholic man. And when my Mom was 12 years old, my grandpa gave his life to Christ. The Lord freed him from alcoholism and smoking literally overnight. This is my ancestry. Not hundreds of years ago, but just a few decades ago.
So, tonight, the Lord spoke to my Spirit and told me just how incredible I am. Before you take that to think I'm conceited, let me elaborate. My family, we're fresh at this. Time. Appointed, due, proper instant or period. I love this definition: particular point in time when an event is scheduled to take place. God chose ME to live at THIS time. Why? What do I have to offer Him? I mean, WHOA. What event has God scheduled to take place that He wants me to witness it, be there, make it happen... This is HUGE for YOU to understand, too.
This leads me into talking about impact. What influence/effect do I have on you? I think about all of you that have affected me. More than likely, my friends don't even realize how much they've affected the very core of my being. Leave an impact that's worthy of leaving. Befriend your sisters, brothers, family. Set an example for your nieces, nephews, and cousins. Be a world-changer for Jesus. 'Leave it all out on the field. No regrets.' Blessed. Time. Impact.
Jesus, I am so so sorry. Forgive me for allowing wickedness to shadow the pure heart You gave me. Wipe me clean again, Father. Tonight, You've spoken to me and told me how important I am to You. The last thing I want to do is abandon You. God, expose me. Humble me. No complaining. Make me beautiful. Use me. Guide me, Lord, into the next step of this life You've so graciously laid out for me. Mold me into the image of Your Son. Oh, how You love us.
Amen
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Brighter Days Ahead
My spring break from school started a week ago today. I have until Monday still off to relax and gear up for the next 8 weeks of blissful nursing! :-) My last post..whew... So many things were/are on my heart, but God is faithful. At that time a week ago, I was so discouraged. In the last seven days, God has shown me so much about myself. Through gentle whispers, a calm breeze, no homework, and a really good book. I've missed my Bible. Trust me, I'm NOT a daily reader. I used to be, but the past several months I've become a slacker in that area. However, this whole week at home, I just feel like a part of me is quite lost without it on my bedside table. Just the appearance of the Word of God strengthens my soul, and I didn't even know it.
On my way home for spring break, I stopped off at the library and picked up a book by Dr. Kevin Leman named "The Firstborn Advantage." If you are a firstborn, or you know someone that you are having connection/relationship issues with (i.e. a firstborn friend/relative), this book is for you. It really lays the life and mentality of a firstborn right out there. It talks about perfectionism, and how truly, we are SO into pleasing ourselves. Eventually, it leads to what Dr. Leman calls a discouraged perfectionist. It has nothing to do with what YOU are doing, but everything to do about what we, in our hearts, are feeling about ourselves.
It's incredible, really. I feel a real blessing from God by being introduced to this book. It's a nice sized book, but within the first 12 hours, I had 120 pages of it read. I can't get enough of it. I honestly thought I was one-of-a-kind, but holy smokes, he is nailing EVERY single one of my characteristics and personality strengths and weakensses. I LOVE it. A quote he uses throughout the book several times is that a firstborn is the "mover and shaker of the universe." World-changers. I love that! The book, with God's grace, has helped me understand why I have made the decisions I have made lately, and how I view the consequences thereof. <> I just LOVE learning!
Beautiful stuff. We truly do have something great to live for.
thank.you.Lord.
On my way home for spring break, I stopped off at the library and picked up a book by Dr. Kevin Leman named "The Firstborn Advantage." If you are a firstborn, or you know someone that you are having connection/relationship issues with (i.e. a firstborn friend/relative), this book is for you. It really lays the life and mentality of a firstborn right out there. It talks about perfectionism, and how truly, we are SO into pleasing ourselves. Eventually, it leads to what Dr. Leman calls a discouraged perfectionist. It has nothing to do with what YOU are doing, but everything to do about what we, in our hearts, are feeling about ourselves.
It's incredible, really. I feel a real blessing from God by being introduced to this book. It's a nice sized book, but within the first 12 hours, I had 120 pages of it read. I can't get enough of it. I honestly thought I was one-of-a-kind, but holy smokes, he is nailing EVERY single one of my characteristics and personality strengths and weakensses. I LOVE it. A quote he uses throughout the book several times is that a firstborn is the "mover and shaker of the universe." World-changers. I love that! The book, with God's grace, has helped me understand why I have made the decisions I have made lately, and how I view the consequences thereof. <> I just LOVE learning!
Beautiful stuff. We truly do have something great to live for.
thank.you.Lord.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Season Change- (beyond simply winter to spring...)
"Just remember, there is no condom for your mind...", she said.
--The act of a condom is to protect, provide a barrier, and to stop the spread thereof. Though the word itself is referred to a sexual act, it's principle can be applied elsewhere.--
The difference between right and wrong. We conclude that it is such a gray area. That living on the line is, in fact, the best place to live. After all, it happens to be the most exhilarating. Nothing compares the adrenaline rush I receive from contemplating the pros/cons of a decision that may or may not be right. Just how far can I go? If I pass the line, will I remain close enough to it so I can cross back over? Life on the other side of that line...it is, well, free... The Spirit reminds me, though, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..." Galatians 5:1a. It continues to read, "Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" (5:1b). If this is true, (and I fully believe it is), why do I feel so trapped and so 'un-free'?
If the call of God is irrevocable, what happens if I stray away for a little while? Can I come back and pick up where I left off? Just how far will my sin separate me from the Lord? Can I really be used if I damage who I am in the Lord? How much of my mind can I possibly destroy before the point of return?
Through discussing some of this with a friend, she made the comment that is quoted at the beginning of this blog. It really impacted me. No matter what decision I am trying to make, the consequences of that decision will affect my mind. Nothing I can do will be enough to protect my mind. Again, the act of a condom is to protect, provide a barrier, and to stop the spread thereof. And again, though the word itself is referred to a sexual act, it's principle can be applied elsewhere. Just think on it. It causes deep reflection.
"If the choices you make drive you into a place of hiding, leading to depression... If you aren't ready to explain the decisions you make to those around you, then you are facing a big problem," she said, "and remember, there is no condom for your mind."
Basically, no matter how physically safe I feel in making ANY decision, I will not be protected from the impact it has on my mind, my soul, my spirit... Am I prepared for that? It's not safe to walk away from the hand, protection, and will of God. However, as heinous as it sounds, that's exactly what I want to do.
Will I do it?
I don't plan on it.
But, bear with me, okay?
--The act of a condom is to protect, provide a barrier, and to stop the spread thereof. Though the word itself is referred to a sexual act, it's principle can be applied elsewhere.--
The difference between right and wrong. We conclude that it is such a gray area. That living on the line is, in fact, the best place to live. After all, it happens to be the most exhilarating. Nothing compares the adrenaline rush I receive from contemplating the pros/cons of a decision that may or may not be right. Just how far can I go? If I pass the line, will I remain close enough to it so I can cross back over? Life on the other side of that line...it is, well, free... The Spirit reminds me, though, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..." Galatians 5:1a. It continues to read, "Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" (5:1b). If this is true, (and I fully believe it is), why do I feel so trapped and so 'un-free'?
If the call of God is irrevocable, what happens if I stray away for a little while? Can I come back and pick up where I left off? Just how far will my sin separate me from the Lord? Can I really be used if I damage who I am in the Lord? How much of my mind can I possibly destroy before the point of return?
Through discussing some of this with a friend, she made the comment that is quoted at the beginning of this blog. It really impacted me. No matter what decision I am trying to make, the consequences of that decision will affect my mind. Nothing I can do will be enough to protect my mind. Again, the act of a condom is to protect, provide a barrier, and to stop the spread thereof. And again, though the word itself is referred to a sexual act, it's principle can be applied elsewhere. Just think on it. It causes deep reflection.
"If the choices you make drive you into a place of hiding, leading to depression... If you aren't ready to explain the decisions you make to those around you, then you are facing a big problem," she said, "and remember, there is no condom for your mind."
Basically, no matter how physically safe I feel in making ANY decision, I will not be protected from the impact it has on my mind, my soul, my spirit... Am I prepared for that? It's not safe to walk away from the hand, protection, and will of God. However, as heinous as it sounds, that's exactly what I want to do.
Will I do it?
I don't plan on it.
But, bear with me, okay?
Monday, March 15, 2010
Encouraging Weakness
Disclaimer: My blog is for my thoughts, (which may not be true, valid, researched, or agreed with).
Today was an emotional roller coaster. I slept about 5 hours last night, woke up and studied some more for my final test in Nursing Interventions (diseases/body systems) in Nursing School. My FINAL. Crazy, huh? Now, I have my nursing practicum left. It consists of a nursing leadership/management class that includes 128 hours of clinical with a preceptor. I feel ready to start making money. Well, I felt pretty good about my test, but I didn't find out until 4 pm today that I did indeed pass it.
Meanwhile, I was scheduled for coffee with a lady I met via Facebook through a mutual friend. She has been a missionary nurse for years, (longer than I've been alive), and I was excited about the get-together so I could possibly form an opinion about what to do next after school lets out. (i.e. pursue more education, work in which area of the hospital, where to seek mission opportunities while waiting...) She definitely gave me a lot to think about, but I left feeling really defeated. Building on that feeling of defeat came thoughts of in-competency, failure, and hopelessness. She assuredly did not instill that into me, but with what we talked about and where I am right now... it just all feels so far away. And everything I hear I take for fact, especially from people who have gone before me. When those 'facts' begin contradicting, it's time for a period of back-up.
I've known for a long time that there is a lot for me to learn, but haven't thought a lot about it because I've been so focused on finishing nursing school. Though, obviously, much training will go down in the future. I don't know exactly what my purpose in the country of Haiti will be, but the fact that God called me there in December, 2008 will never change. Romans 11:29, "for God's gift and His call are irrevocable." And, I strongly believe that in time, the when, how, and what for will come at His appointed time. Until then, I feel God urging me to learn. Expand my knowledge and prepare. To draw near unto Him.
The truth is that no matter how young you are, the Lord will/can use a willing vessel. If you've poured yourself out before Him, He WILL equip you. He WILL empower you. He WILL strengthen you. 1 Timothy 4:12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." It doesn't say set an example for the believers who are younger than you are. It simply says, believers. ALL believers. I am to set an example for those younger, older, and the same age as I am. Through my speech, my life, my love, my faith, and my purity. That is a pretty extensive list of ways to set examples. Paul states this as a command. It isn't something he asked Timothy to do.
If the Lord has delivered a vision to your soul, or a word to your heart, or a desire for something more, develop it. Please do not let anyone discourage you. Do not allow the devil to begin to make you feel like you are not competent to do the big things God has shown you. Instead, use it as fuel to draw nearer to the Lord. It's times of growth that the devil uses his sneakiest to get inside of your heart and head. I love the following passage.
Proverbs 4:20-27
20 My son, pay attention to what I say;
listen closely to my words.
And v 25. Just keep looking straight ahead. Dwelling on what has happened will keep your eyes fixed on the past, but better days are ahead of you. Pastor John and James River Church have really adapted the phrase, "The Best is Yet to Come" and this is TRUE. God will continue to expand territory, broaden horizons, increase knowledge, entrust more to you, bless you more... It's amazing to think about.
This blog started off about 30 minutes ago wherein I was feeling really just down in the dumps, but by spending some time meditating on these verses, the Lord is already encouraging me.
Dear Lord, You are a good God. You have gone before me in every single decision I have made lately, and You have been my rear guard. On all angles, I feel protected by You. Thank You for the love you show me. Thank You for surrounding me by people to uplift me in times of weakness. And most of all, thank You that when I am at my weakness, Your strength is shown to be even stronger. Lord, please direct, guide, strengthen, build, renew, console, and just love on us. Jesus, tonight I just want to be loved on. And, I want to love on You. Remind us continually of the plan You have for us on these few short years of eternity. I love you, Lord. Amen
Today was an emotional roller coaster. I slept about 5 hours last night, woke up and studied some more for my final test in Nursing Interventions (diseases/body systems) in Nursing School. My FINAL. Crazy, huh? Now, I have my nursing practicum left. It consists of a nursing leadership/management class that includes 128 hours of clinical with a preceptor. I feel ready to start making money. Well, I felt pretty good about my test, but I didn't find out until 4 pm today that I did indeed pass it.
Meanwhile, I was scheduled for coffee with a lady I met via Facebook through a mutual friend. She has been a missionary nurse for years, (longer than I've been alive), and I was excited about the get-together so I could possibly form an opinion about what to do next after school lets out. (i.e. pursue more education, work in which area of the hospital, where to seek mission opportunities while waiting...) She definitely gave me a lot to think about, but I left feeling really defeated. Building on that feeling of defeat came thoughts of in-competency, failure, and hopelessness. She assuredly did not instill that into me, but with what we talked about and where I am right now... it just all feels so far away. And everything I hear I take for fact, especially from people who have gone before me. When those 'facts' begin contradicting, it's time for a period of back-up.
I've known for a long time that there is a lot for me to learn, but haven't thought a lot about it because I've been so focused on finishing nursing school. Though, obviously, much training will go down in the future. I don't know exactly what my purpose in the country of Haiti will be, but the fact that God called me there in December, 2008 will never change. Romans 11:29, "for God's gift and His call are irrevocable." And, I strongly believe that in time, the when, how, and what for will come at His appointed time. Until then, I feel God urging me to learn. Expand my knowledge and prepare. To draw near unto Him.
The truth is that no matter how young you are, the Lord will/can use a willing vessel. If you've poured yourself out before Him, He WILL equip you. He WILL empower you. He WILL strengthen you. 1 Timothy 4:12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." It doesn't say set an example for the believers who are younger than you are. It simply says, believers. ALL believers. I am to set an example for those younger, older, and the same age as I am. Through my speech, my life, my love, my faith, and my purity. That is a pretty extensive list of ways to set examples. Paul states this as a command. It isn't something he asked Timothy to do.
If the Lord has delivered a vision to your soul, or a word to your heart, or a desire for something more, develop it. Please do not let anyone discourage you. Do not allow the devil to begin to make you feel like you are not competent to do the big things God has shown you. Instead, use it as fuel to draw nearer to the Lord. It's times of growth that the devil uses his sneakiest to get inside of your heart and head. I love the following passage.
Proverbs 4:20-27
20 My son, pay attention to what I say;
listen closely to my words.
21 Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart;
22 for they are life to those who find them
and health to a man's whole body.
23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
24 Put away perversity from your mouth;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Make levelb]"> paths for your feet
and take only ways that are firm.
27 Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil.
And v 25. Just keep looking straight ahead. Dwelling on what has happened will keep your eyes fixed on the past, but better days are ahead of you. Pastor John and James River Church have really adapted the phrase, "The Best is Yet to Come" and this is TRUE. God will continue to expand territory, broaden horizons, increase knowledge, entrust more to you, bless you more... It's amazing to think about.
This blog started off about 30 minutes ago wherein I was feeling really just down in the dumps, but by spending some time meditating on these verses, the Lord is already encouraging me.
Dear Lord, You are a good God. You have gone before me in every single decision I have made lately, and You have been my rear guard. On all angles, I feel protected by You. Thank You for the love you show me. Thank You for surrounding me by people to uplift me in times of weakness. And most of all, thank You that when I am at my weakness, Your strength is shown to be even stronger. Lord, please direct, guide, strengthen, build, renew, console, and just love on us. Jesus, tonight I just want to be loved on. And, I want to love on You. Remind us continually of the plan You have for us on these few short years of eternity. I love you, Lord. Amen
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I was late!
I woke up this morning to see the light shining through my door. Sounds marvelous, but panic seized my heart. You're not supposed to be seeing light right now. It's NOT naturally sunny at 4:45am. oh-my-goodness, it's not 4:45am! Yeah, it happened...again. Now, I get to pay to go to the hospital on what should be beginning my Spring break. Ugh! The culprit for the late start is my telephone. They are not as reliable as we think they should be. Apparently at some point in the night, the thing turned off. <>, Oh well, right? What can I do about it, now?
I woke up at 7:45 am, and decided to spend some time with the Lord in the Word. How refreshing it is, and how surprising it is! I am reading the Bible through in a year, but I'm doing it differently than most do. I am doing it chronologically. Currently, I am in Numbers. What a book! Right now, I just finished learning about how the Lord separated the Levites from the Israelites to be the caretakers of the Tent of Meeting. While Moses and Aaron have been playing the go-to for all the Israelites complaining. A while ago, it surprised me just how protective of Moses and Aaron God is. He wanted to kill off all those who opposed the brothers. But, Moses, in his humility, prayed that God would not. Though because of some disobedience on Moses and Aaron's part, God told them that they would not enter the Promised Land. Then, Aaron died on a hilltop. I'm so excited about what I am learning. God is teaching me practical ways to apply it to my life right now.
What I lack is a relationship with the Lord through prayer. Of course I pray. But they tend to be so shallow. By the time I make it to praying, I'm usually so exhausted I fail at remembering all I need to bring before the Lord. Before I go any further in this updated blog, reflecting upon the last sentence brings such surprise to my soul. As if God doesn't know all that is going on. I'm in a women's Bible study group right now that is discussing how to live a praying life. I've learned so far, that the way we're taught to pray in Sunday School...well, it's not right. Maybe someday I can condense what I've learned about prayer into clear and concise words, but right now, it is still rolling through my mind trying to get rooted.
Let me encourage you to dig deep into the Word of God. And when you pray, pray His will over your life and others. It's His will that others flourish, and that you are lead and directed. It's His will for your loved ones to come to know Christ, and it's His will that good is done. Your job is to pray it through. I wish I had more time to discuss this with you. For now, be encouraged! God is with you. He is there to help you, even if you wake up late for clinicals! :-)
xoxo
Kayla
I woke up at 7:45 am, and decided to spend some time with the Lord in the Word. How refreshing it is, and how surprising it is! I am reading the Bible through in a year, but I'm doing it differently than most do. I am doing it chronologically. Currently, I am in Numbers. What a book! Right now, I just finished learning about how the Lord separated the Levites from the Israelites to be the caretakers of the Tent of Meeting. While Moses and Aaron have been playing the go-to for all the Israelites complaining. A while ago, it surprised me just how protective of Moses and Aaron God is. He wanted to kill off all those who opposed the brothers. But, Moses, in his humility, prayed that God would not. Though because of some disobedience on Moses and Aaron's part, God told them that they would not enter the Promised Land. Then, Aaron died on a hilltop. I'm so excited about what I am learning. God is teaching me practical ways to apply it to my life right now.
What I lack is a relationship with the Lord through prayer. Of course I pray. But they tend to be so shallow. By the time I make it to praying, I'm usually so exhausted I fail at remembering all I need to bring before the Lord. Before I go any further in this updated blog, reflecting upon the last sentence brings such surprise to my soul. As if God doesn't know all that is going on. I'm in a women's Bible study group right now that is discussing how to live a praying life. I've learned so far, that the way we're taught to pray in Sunday School...well, it's not right. Maybe someday I can condense what I've learned about prayer into clear and concise words, but right now, it is still rolling through my mind trying to get rooted.
Let me encourage you to dig deep into the Word of God. And when you pray, pray His will over your life and others. It's His will that others flourish, and that you are lead and directed. It's His will for your loved ones to come to know Christ, and it's His will that good is done. Your job is to pray it through. I wish I had more time to discuss this with you. For now, be encouraged! God is with you. He is there to help you, even if you wake up late for clinicals! :-)
xoxo
Kayla
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