Two years. First job as a nurse, and it.is.finished. Time for new things. A season for growing my career. A moment for personal expansion. As I insecurely embrace this moment of change, I cannot help but reflect on the past.
Three and a half years ago, a passion was birthed. A passion of traveling the world for the broken. A passion to spread the love of Jesus in a tangible, visible way. I interned with Convoy of Hope for the Summer of '09 and it shook me. A season of awakening.
After interning with Convoy, I finished my last year of nursing school, and graduated strong. Two years ago, I started my career as a RN. What followed was a lot of lessons hard learned. A schedule of working twelve hour nights, and consuming fried onion rings at 12:30 AM became routine. A season of beginning.
Haiti. Summer of '11. Changed me. Arranged my focus. Challenged my perception. Threatened me. Alarmed me. Broke a part of me. What I had been working toward since high school seemed to shatter before my eyes. What I felt Jesus was provoking me to chase began to haunt me in my sleep. A season of disappointment.
Jesus; the lack thereof in me. Current condition. I miss my friends from Convoy of Hope. I miss my life as it was then. I miss my school life. I miss having a daily purpose to fulfill; (i.e. classes, appointments, church groups, coffee dates...). I miss praying. I miss yearning for Haiti. I miss loving life and living it well. I miss me; who I spent a lot of time building... A season of hopelessness.
So I make changes. I move out to be alone. I learn a new job. I return to school. I try new churches. I reconnect with old friends. I try hard to embrace change. I attempt to trust in my own decisions. I let go and I cling tight. A season of freshness.
Panic asks the question of whether these choices are right or wrong. Peace says it doesn't really matter.
I breathe in and I breathe out.
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