repentance

Dear Jesus,

I'm better at writing stuff down than talking out loud. Here's the thing, I'm not really thrilled with all that's been happening in my heart, soul, and mind lately. I felt so let down by Your Dad. So shoved by the wayside. That my heart's desires didn't really matter to Him. And, as I'm sure you know, I've been doubting whether He truly is good. I set out to prove that He's not. But the wound has only gotten deeper and more infected. I was so wrong...

I see so many people around me that have a concerned look on their face, and their responses to my words are long and intense. So much so, that I don't even understand all that they mean. All that didn't matter to me for a long time, but now I'm just afraid. And though there are so many people saying they're here for me, I've never felt more alone and different.

I realize that I've chosen a lot to get myself in this position. Chosen to ignore any attempt You made to help me. I didn't fully understand the consequences of that until now. Now I find that even when I try to pray to You, the words just won't come.

But, the deal is, is that I know that this is a big spiritual battle. It was probably a lot smaller when it started, but by my allowance and the length, this has become so much bigger than I can fight alone. I'm sorry for what I've done and what I've allowed, and I really need Your help. I've made such a mess.

Amen

p.s. that was kinda hard to do.