We love God by loving people.

So, I'm not big into posting pictures of myself. But, I know I have grandparents and my parents read this blog, and being as I haven't been home in 7 weeks, I wanted to remind them of what I look like.

Walk with God. I am currently listening to this Wednesday night's sermon. I skipped it. I know, I'm ridiculous. I was tired, but truth is, church and fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ truly strengthens me. I don't know why I didn't go. You can bet I won't skip again. :)

Matt Wilkie e-mailed me today to tell me how much money had come in for the mission internship for this summer. New Orleans and El Salvador... just saying the cities makes my lips tingle. I LOVE people. The trip is a total of 3,100 dollars. I know, it's a lot. And, to this date, I have 550 dollars. That's a LOT of money, huh? $550! People's generosity has overwhelmed me. I am so amazed.

Here's the deal, by Monday, May 4th, I am supposed to have $1500 toward the trip. That's in 4 days. Now, I know that God is totally in control of this. I also know that if this is meant to be, God WILL provide. If He does not, then He just doesn't, and all of the donations go toward Convoy of Hope's continuing ministry. It's not that the money just goes to waste, let me assure you of that.

If you just happen to be reading this, please pray for this situation. Please. I feel that God can use me in this internship. Pray to see if you may have a part in this, as well. It would mean so much to me. But beyond this, the children, and families of New Orleans and Central America need help. They need my help. They need your help. I truly believe God has a special blessing for those who commit to fervent prayer and financial support for something as this.

Anyway, I didn't set out to write a blog about Missions and giving... but, maybe I was supposed to.

Love you.

I love bad food.

I do... If it has excess sugar, lots of carbs, and chemical additives my taste buds seem satisfied. But my body hates it. After consuming these terrible foods, my stomach hurts, I'm tired, and completely energy-less. It's only after I eat healthy, exercise at least 30 minutes a day, and get adequate rest can I do all that I need to do. I didn't realize how bad I felt until I began to make better choices. Granted, I still don't eat the maximum BEST, but who does 100% of the time? Not many people. Props to you who do.

Anyway, not that this is some brainiac epiphony, but sin works just the same way. At the Song of Solomon conference I learned about sins of commission and sins of omission. Commission-a deliberate act, something you do physically. Omission-abstract sins; i.e. thoughts, beliefs, motives, even if they are unseen/unheard. Many of my committed sins fall under the category of omission. I don't do many, if any, deliberate physical actions of sin. I'm not acting in premarital sexual activity, I don't yell at my family, I DO what is right in the eyes of the Lord I would say at least 98% of the time. But when it comes down to my thoughts...hmmm. I worry, I fret, I have thoughts of anger and hatred toward situations, I long for marriage and relationships, so much that I tend to dwell on it. And, I doubt. I have issues with pride, too. All of these things take individual laying before the Lord.

When you compare the bad food to the sins, the effects are much the same. Sin leads to a soul emptiness, and being tired all the time. It literally, for me, has physical effects. But when I spend more time with the Lord, I increasingly become better at controlling my thoughts.

Anyway, I've got some things to do, so I may attack this concept later.
~Loves~

My life as of lately...

So, I haven't updated since Tuesday because, well, life has been C-raZ-y busy! I have a lot of update, but basically I'll just give you the low-down of what has been up.

Wednesday-2 meetings in the am, and then church til 9:30. After getting home, I worked on my clinical prep for Thurs.

Thursday- Clinical at 6:00 am-2:00 pm. Homework and dinner. Babysit from 6:30-10:30. Home by 11:30. Bed at 11:45 pm.

Friday- Clinical at 6:00 am-12:30 pm. Lunch and roaming around with Mom, then a much needed hour long nap, and then Song of Solomon Conference which was amazing from 6 pm to 10:30ish pm. Bed by 11:30 pm.

Saturday- Song of Solomon conference from 8:30-12:45. Clean apartment. Eat lunch (a bowl of raisin bran!) and then Maggie and Morgan come over to stay around 1:30ish. I fixed Spaghetti with organic wheat noodles, homemade garlic bread, and garden corn on the cob (which has to be cut off the cob due to braces.)

And the itinerating schedule for Sunday is:
Up to church for 10 o'clock service
Some serious nap time
Read for class
Possibly skip night church for a good recooperating period. (Is this legal?)

The next 4 weeks are going to be unbelievably overwhelming with school. Prayers are much much much appreciated.

Love,
Kayla

my soul will bless the Lord

"From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to walk by faith, not by sight." - Sarah Young

So, I know I've posted this before, but God is continuing to bring it to my mind. It speaks to me so deeply right now. It does indeed, from my perspective, seem as if God is mismanaging my life. Haha, I honestly have to laugh out loud at that. Because the TRUTH is, I am mismanaging my life. God has done everything TO manage it. , I love Him.

God is demanding I walk by faith in this situation. The money for this summer internship WILL come through. Despite my weakness, failures, disappointments, and frail humanity, my Sovereign God will prevail. I have been praying and preparing for this mission. That God will not only use me, but my group to TOUCH the people of New Orleans. That we will be used to HEAL in Central America. That we will walk in the truth of the Holy Spirit, and HIS presence and immortality will overshadow our mortality.

I pray for my sponsors, and that they're lives be completely and extravagantly blessed for contributing to the cause of this mission. They are taking Jesus Christ, our Savior, to a land foreign to myself. I will never forget this.

I love you guys. Even if I have never met you, and you have read this, I love you. Jesus loves you way more.
Kayla

A Season of Pruning

Pruning: "When He decreases our fullness to increase our fruitfulness."

I've been going through this transitioning period in life. A seasonal change. Manythings are contributing to the change, but it seems to be more spiritual than anything else. Today I got a devotional from Alicia Britt Chole. Amazing woman of the Lord. The quote about pruning is from her devo this morning, and here is another one:

"Yielding to God's pruning hand requires persistent faith because we must hold tightly to God's character with tears in our eyes."

Only now, I am learning that pruning hurts. In John 15.1-2, Jesus said, "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit he takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." Upon any other time reading this verse, I never focused much attention on that last part. In fact, I don't think I even knew it was there. I just knew Jesus pruned you because that is what He did to strip away the bad things from you. That is distortion of the verse.

When you prune a rose bush, you cut away the beautiful budding. That rose is not a bad thing, is it? No way, it is beautiful! We prune so that more can grow! In the same way, Jesus prunes away on our giftings in order to grow them. But, "we must hold tightly to God's character with tears in our eyes."

Now that I know what the Lord is doing with my gifts and talents (where I'm struggling right now), I can rest in knowing that He is taking care of me. It hurts for the moment, but I'm about to blossom again. :) Amazing hope, right? I thought so!

Budgeting (sp?)

Okay, so seriously, I'm bRoKe. And, because I'm tentatively leaving for the summer, no one will hire me.

Is this really God's plan? I knew it was going to be hard. At least, I thought I knew. Sure, the call was REAL. It was intense, and it was pure. But, I honestly had no idea I would be having to grow my faith this much. I know that we all need to grow. I feel though, that my body and soul can't grow quick enough to the Lord's urging. Holy stretch marks? I got 'em, in fact, I'm pretty sure their bleeding from being stretched so much. This is the best worst place to be in walking with the Lord. Best because you know God loves you enough to stretch you, but worst because this world makes it hurt, a lot.

I need to be bluntly honest about what I am feeling right now. So, please... don't judge me. I just HAVE to get this off my chest. Okay, here it goes...

I don't know if I WANT this call anymore. Nursing, Haiti, Mission Internship, Surrendering... guys, it's hard. I've prayed and believed God had something huge for me since I was like 3 years old. But, I can't do it. I'll so totally disappoint Him. I'm not perfect. I try really hard. I'm a completely different person than I was in High School. I've shaped up physically (not that I'm in good shape, but better than then), I treat my family better. I love deeper, relax often, and serve always. I LOVE my life. I LOVE it as it is right now. I can't deal with all the changes... I'm so comfortable. I know that the callings of the Lord are without repentance, meaning, I can't do anything to get out of it. But, I just don't think I can do this. I'm so unprepared. I have so much to learn, and I don't even know where to start. I need Jesus. But, I think I almost block Him out at the same time... Anyone understand that?

Also, the other thing I can't stand about myself at the moment, is that I'm like an emotional 7th grader. I am so NOT the type of person to throw a pity party, but I just did. Yuck... I don't struggle. I am not a 'fail-er.' I don't get stuck in ruts (at least I haven't in a very long time), and I don't cry often. But lately, this is all I've done.

Forgive me if this was annoying. I am positive things will look up from here.

Truth

I had an excellent morning devotion this morning. I thought that because of the last post, this would be a wonderful thing to share. It is in my morning devotion book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It says:

"I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and Controller of the universe. Heaven and earth are filled with My glorious Presence.

When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think you could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to walk by faith, not by sight. I lovingly shield you from knowing the future of seeing into the spirit world. Acknowledge My sovereignty by giving thanks in all circumstances."

Pretty intense, right?

Lord Jesus, Thank You so much for going before me in all that I do. Your hand of favor rests on my head because of the righteous who have lived before me. Thank You for Your wonderful Presence that abounds on my heart. You go with me. You walk beside me. You have carried me many times. I know that You know all things. I also thank you for protecting me from the things unseen and the unknown. I have no reason to worry. I have no reason to fear. I will praise You in all circumstances. For through the truth I will feel. I will not see my feelings through my circumstances. I will live by what Your Word says. For Faith is being sure of what I hope for, and certain of what I do not see. I know that this trip has been set before me for a divine reason. I am hoping with all I am that I can go and minister. And I am certain that you will provide. I love you Lord. Amen

My Day Today

My faith has definitely been tested today. As you all know, I'm trying to prepare for this Summer Internship to New Orleans and Central America. I sent out my support letters two weeks ago. Granted, it takes around a week for them to all be delivered to their destination. Plus, any mail from Thursday through this weekend at Convoy of Hope hasn't been put into the computer yet. I called yesterday to find out how close I was to my goal of 3,100 dollars. She didn't get the chance to call me back yesterday. Today I called again around 1:00ish, and she said that as of today (not counting any weekend mail) I had a total of 25 dollars. Seriously? My heart sank. I thought oh man. I was expecting at least a couple hundred. Instead of going to the Lord, I called my Mom. I know I sounded depressed, because she immediately asked what was wrong. I told her about the 25 dollars, and then I also told her about my mistake. I sent out all the support letters without my name on the cut off portion the donor sends in with their check. So, if money has come in, without my name on it, I wouldn't get it deposited into my account. I'm PRAYING hard that anyone who has donated to the trip subconsciously went ahead and wrote my name on the memo portion of a check or somewhere on that slip of paper.

Then, the Lord smacked me right upside the head. 25 dollars is closer to 3,100 dollars than 0 dollars. Which is exactly where I was sitting two weeks ago. So, PRAISE be to GOD that I am only 3,075 dollars away from my goal. Actually, less than that. I received a 50 dollar check in the mail a week ago, and a 150 dollar check 2 days ago. GOD is faithful. After dropping those off today, I am now only 2,875 dollars away from my goal. Seriously, rejoice with me in this! If I cannot rejoice and praise God over 25 dollars I do not have the right heart or attitude to even minister on this trip.

Whether the Lord sends me to the people of New Orleans and Central America or not, He has already taught me many many lessons. For that, I am grateful.
He has taught me about stewardship.
He has taught me about faithfulness.
He has taught me the importance of personal devotions.
He has shown me how much I mean to Him.
He has taught me how much He longs for me to pray to Him.
He is teaching me how to pray.
He is showing me how to look at people.
He is training me.

All of these things, and I'm only 2 weeks into this journey. How awesome is our God. I read a letter by my Pastor at James River. Pastor John Lindell wrote about the word 'awesome.' It means to stand in awe. It means "awe-inspiring." I believe that this word should be reserved for our Lord. I say it way too much. Like Pastor said, we use it very loosely. Awesome! we exclaim about the latest joke, or a good movie. But, does it really inspire awe? Probably not. The Lord inspires awe. I am going to work hard to make sure that word is reserved for our God.

How great is He? He is bigger to me everyday. And, "Greater things are yet to come."
Love you guys!

Knocked On My Behind

I've harbored aggravation toward my Dad for too long. I refuse to go into the 'why' or 'how'. But, the Lord used a close friend to absolutely send me to the floor in repentance. I didn't know how much of a calling a father has. I guess I had heard many of the things that my friend told me, but at the same time, I just didn't give it much thought on my end. I always believed it was the message for my dad, not me. But today, not so much...

God uses us all. He can even use our uncleanness to His advantage. I am blessed to have a father like I have. I am blessed to have a mother like I have. I am blessed to have two sisters and a nephew that God put on this earth for a specific purpose. I am blessed.

I have always been a very prideful person. Pride is a sin I have fought all my life. I remember it creeping up in me around the age of 14. The Lord has continued to deal with me about it since through dreams, His Word, and people. I thought I was doing okay, but seriously, I have SO much to learn! It's HARD being a Christian. It's hard, but SO worth it!

I want to finish this blog later. Because this is so chopppy and very hard to read. I will write more soon.
Love

I got it!

My mom text me today to let me know that my passport came in today! Oh, boy! God is so good. I have heard so many horror stories about how other people's don't come in until 12 hours before they leave or not at all. I'm so blessed. God is sooo good! This internship in Central America and New Orleans is one that I am sooo looking forward to. I feel that God has a purpose for me there. I have NO idea what that may be, but I feel like He has set this door open for a divine reason. (Of course He would, He's God!)

When I sent out my support letters, I enclosed an envelope that was already addressed to Convoy of Hope. It was something I wanted to do to make it easier on those that were called to sponsor me. I am still praying relentlessly for those that I sent letters to. Also, those that I haven't sent letters to but am still trying to find where I am to send it. It is such a large amount to raise, but at the same time, God is a big, biG, bIG, BIG God. He is so NOT limited by our resources. I know that He will come through on this! I know it!

I'm going to a friend's house tomorrow around 2:00 ish for a time of prayer and worship. I have been looking forward to doing this for a long time now. I struggle with spending time in prayer, and I know that it is so vital to my relationship with the Lord. Kristin Temple has been so encouraging and absolutely amazing in keeping me on track. I have been so incredibly blessed by all of her support. She's AMAZING!

---
On another note, I have had one heck of a week. Monday I had class, then I worked out. Tuesday I worked out, ran errands, paid bills, and then had a class! Wednesday I worked out, ran errands, took a nap, and then went to church. After church I came back to the apartment and did my clinical prep for Thursday morning. I had a doozy of a patient assignment. blah. I didn't get to sleep until about 1:15 am and I was back up again at 5:45 to get ready to go to the hospital. Got there at 6:20 am. Hit the floor at 8:00ish after pre-conference with my instructor. It was a good clinical day. I got all that I needed to get done, done! Plus, I HAVE TOMORROW OFF!

I plan on going to the Good Friday service from 12:00 to 1:00 at James River. Yahoo!

Loving, Living, and Leading!

Genesis 41:31
"The abundance in the land will not be remembered, because the famine that follows it will be so severe."

I'm currently working on reading the Bible from beginning to end. Growing up in church, one would think that I would be able to keep Joseph separate from Jacob, and Joshua separate from Joseph. But, truth is, I just don't know the lineage. I don't know in what order they were born or how God orchestrated them into the body of the kingdom. And, these things are important. I began an Old Testament class in college at the beginning of the semester. I realized how little I know about the history of the stories I grew up learning in Sunday School. I think a lot of us think that they are only for Kids church. I know I did. I'm learning SO much through reading the book of Genesis. I am only on the 42nd chapter, but God has just opened my eyes to so many things. I tell ya, I really need to write a book on my life. Everyone has a story, (hence the reasons for so many books.) What works for one person doesn't always work for another. But, maybe my life story will help someone. Give someone encouragement. This will definitely be something I will be praying about!

Anyway, back to the reason for writing this blog. . .
I'm in the part of Genesis that is telling the story of Joseph. Number one statement, this story is incredible. I'm so thankful the Lord recorded this part of history. I just read about Pharaoh's cupbearer and chief baker being thrown into prison where they were put under Joseph's authority even though he himself was in prison. They had dreams and Joseph interpreted them. After Pharaoh himself had a dream that was troubling him, the cupbearer (who life had been spared), told him about an interpreter he had met when 'the king got angry and sent his servants to prison.' So, Pharaoh called for Joseph and Joseph told him what his dream meant. Basically, that there was a famine coming, and they needed to lay up food in order to make it through the famine.

A lot of people miss significance in the Old Testament stories. We think they're only fables or that they were only meant for those that lived in those days. How robbed we are of God's lessons if we think that?!

One of the things I thought of when I read the scripture that I posted above was this nation that we live in. The United States of America. I have to say that at one point and time I said it much more proudly and boldy than I do now. I still am proud to be an American. But, the leaders of our country have jaded the name, and the shocking majority of Christians in this country are as liberal as...well, maybe I should hold my tongue. Maybe I shouldn't. . . idk. I'm ashamed. We fall short of what it means to know what Christianity is all about a lot of the time. We have so much that we have 'no need for God.' Which, in turn, yields a scary consequence. I'm afraid that all the USA once stood for will no longer be remembered. The Lord only deals with sin, pleuralism, and tolerism as long as He can. And then, there are consequences to pay. Forgiveness is still readily available, but consequences will always remain. This country is in line for a big jolt by the hand of the Sovereign Lord. I pray that you are building and filling your storehouses for the period of famine that awaits. I also pray that the hand of the Lord be upon His followers more than ever during this time of uncertainty. I pray that you will listen to the calling of the Lord. Do not reject Him. Just don't.

Live your life in such a way that when famine's strike, the abundant life lived before will be remembered. Famines don't typically last forever, but it could for you. And, it may possibly take your entire life making up for what you didn't store when you had the chance.

I love you.

Rally time!

Last night... God is so huge. I cannot wait for this lifetime that awaits me. It's so frightening, but absolutely invigorating! It's hard to just relax and wait on God's timing. I still have over a year to go before I graduate from Nursing school. Like anyone feels after hearing a bit of God's plan, I want this NOW. But, I know how important it is to just be patient and still, waiting on the Lord.

At the JRW rally last night, they reintroduced the country of Haiti to the women of James River and others. 200 children were available for sponsorship. I don't know as of right now if all 200 were sponsored, but I do know that many were. When Pastor Debbie began to speak of the country again, I began to cry. Then, they showed a short video which was the same one shown during Designed for Life women's conference. My friends, I was absolutely bawling. I cried and cried. I was praying and praying that the Lord would continue to raise up leaders in this country so that many will be come to know the life changing power of Jesus Christ. My heart cries out for this country that I have never even been to. I love Jesus. I love people. I can't wait for Haiti. I can simply not wait. Please pray I get to go soon. My heart may burst if I don't get to go soon.

As far as the Convoy of Hope internship to El Salvador goes, it is going well! I will call the center sometime in the next two weeks to see if I have gained any sponsors. And to see how close I am to my monetary goal. I am believing in this. I feel God has this set before me for a divine purpose.

Also, please be praying. I'm in the midst of needing to make so many decisions. I am a terrible decision maker. I think I may just dwell on all of the possibilities too often. However, I know that my God is in control. I know that He guides my every step. He sees what obstacles are ahead and He makes all the detours or demolishes the obstacle Himself. I know this. I've seen it work in my own life as well as others.

Love you so much.

Check out www.jamesriver.org

Okay, I will go!

It's official. I received my final approval from Assembly of God Headquarters for the MAPS assignment. Finally! It felt like it took forever. But, it really didn't. :) I am just simply impatient. I got mostly all of my support letters mailed out a few days ago. I still have a few that I am simply unable to find addresses for. I sent out close to fifty newsletters. I prayed over them, too. I guess there will always be a bit of doubt that plagues us. But, I'm realizing that God's blessings are so NOT dependent upon my actions. If that was the case, I would have so little. Because I am only human. God's grace abounds in every facet of my life. He also is continually giving me wider eyes and longer arms to see and reach out to the poor, hopeless, sick, and lonely.

On another note, the Lord has abundantly blessed me with some amazing people in my life. The Moores, (Ryan, Laci, Lynzi, and Asher), who I talk to frequently and see often. They have introduced me to another family James and Rachel Courter and their 3 kids. I haven't met them in person... YET! :) They sent out a newsletter to their prayer partners today and gave an update as to what is going on. Boy, have they got the exact same mindset I do for the precious country of Haiti. My heart is so burdened for the country. But, I feel God is about to explode their. I cannot wait to be a part of it. Who knows how I will get there to do work. But, I'm not called to question. I'm called to go. Go and serve! Doesn't that sound absolutely invigorating? It sure does to me! I, Kayla, am called to GO.

As a word of encouragement/advice, if the Lord is calling you to do something, do not hesitate in answering the call. Pastor John gave us this word; "Delay dulls the sword of the spirit." In other words, the more you push it off, the less convicted you feel about the issue. It may not be 'spiritual' either. Your calling may be to spend more time with your kids, husband, wife. It could be to spend less time with your boyfriend and more time working on yourself. It could be that God is calling you to get healthier in body. (I know He is me!)

And on that word, I think I'm gonna go and hit the gym. Haven't gone yet. Pray that my neck and right shoulder heal quickly. I pulled some muscle that is affecting the entire site! No lie, it hurts pretty bad. I'm hoping that elliptical goes easy on me tonight. (no such luck...)

Later amigos!

Check out and support:
www.ryanandlacimoore.com

www.ryanandlaci.blogspot.com

www.arisehaiti.com