drinking the blue dizzy liquid...

just weird:

less than two years ago on a rainy day. i drove up to liberty bank in my red 97 oldsmobile. the atm, actually. i think i had $80-ish dollars in my bank account. i pulled $50 from the atm, and text my friend elizabeth: "i'm going downtown tonight. i'm getting wasted hard and fast. come with? i'm going with or without you..."

she came. she drove me, so i wouldn't drive drunk. she's a best friend. i love her a lot.

tonight, an old friend came into town, and we headed to a low key bar for hanging out late. i contemplated ordering a drink. instead, i settled for a chocolate shake. last time i had half a martini and was nauseated for a day.

there were three girls. beautiful, created in His image, girls. glamorous. drinking the blue dizzy liquid from a fish bowl. having fun, no doubt. laughing and flirting and taking pictures. maybe they won't remember...

and i remember sitting at trolleys throwing down shot after shot that night. i remember that the "buttery nipple" was really good. wanting to silence and numb away all feeling of anything. i literally didn't want to think and i didn't care if i couldn't walk out of there. fortunately, $50 doesn't last long enough to reach that goal. regardless, i was trashed.

tonight, i didn't have any feeling for those girls. not disappointment. no humor. no laughing. not sad. i just kinda got it. i know why they're doing what they're doing. and if i had the chance to talk to them, i definitely wouldn't reprimand them. i'd like to sit beside them; hear their stories. and ask "what does your heart beat out of pure passion for?" "how did He design you for this world?"

would i see me in them? would what i see threaten to shock me?

what would Jesus say to them? how would He hold their heart? what would silence their incessant need for approval? and affirmation that who they are is completely enough? would He intercede on their behalf to the Father? what would the Father think of His Son's proposal?

just late night, sleep deprived, thoughts from an over-thinker.

night...